Monthly Archives: April 2002

Double Party

The party at Bandera went great. We had downpour most of the morning so the guest list was about nine. But we had two booths so I was able to go back and forth and mingle with my revelers. The food was fantastic of course and the skillet of corn bread remains manna on par with Krispy Kremes. I was hooched up on decongestants so I was a little more animated than usual. Richard gave me a Sanrio frame and notepad – we always joke about how Hello Kitty he is… and Kevin got me a very nice scarf from the Museum of Contemporary Art. It was nice to see everybody and then we all leave and there’s no house to clean up.

Went to Todd’s birthday party last night and was the youngest one there. So funny. Todd recently quit his job-job and is now pursuing coaching full time and certification. They have a great house up near Glenwood and Devon. Got pretty soused with him and his friends which ended up with a surprise tour of his athletic shoe collection (he’s got a shoe fetish) and crank calls to Ron about why he wasn’t at the party. Ron gets a lot of flack from my friends whenever he doesn’t show up to functions – but I know he loves the attention. Todd and Michael had this awesome ‘waterworks’ bathroom with all of this exposed chrome piping – so cool – but then I kept thinking about how hard it must be to keep all of that chrome shiny. By the fourth vodka tonic, I’d been elected to finish the two Cosmopolitans sitting on the counter. Needless to say, I slept very well.

Workouts and diet are now switching from gaining to fat loss – so I’ll be jumping back into morning running and less bread (AIGH!).

I have this overwhelming urge to get a tattoo, a tan and a six-pack… have I just been watching Bowflex commercials too much? Am I just buying into externals? Or is it a way to show the changes I’m making on the inside? Or am I just too neurotic and need to do whatever I want and stop being so scared of everything?

This is the first birthday that I didn’t blow out a candle on a cake, I just realized that. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything… just notable that I didn’t have a large group serenading me. At the same time I was feeling miffed about my birthday on Tuesday and that it was just Brigitte and I for dinner… it seems that with my crowd part of how much you love somebody is how willing you are to be inconvenienced for their birthday parties… I don’t feel like enough people incovenienced themselves for me. Isn’t that selfish? Christ! But am I strong enough to point that high-powered perception at mself? Loot at myself and write down the truth. Or maybe I’m afraid to. Don’t know where that came from.

But the biggest question of all is: am I going to walk my ass in the rain to the grocery? Actually, it looks like it stopped raining now. I love Sundays. They are my favorite day of the week. Wide open schedule. Nothing you have to do.

I have certification for the Myers-Brigg Type Indicator in a couple of weeks at work so we’re having study groups – so funny to be ‘academic’ again. I eat this stuff up though. I think I’m going to try and predict the types of my friends and then get them to take the test and see if I’m accurate. I swear I think Ron is an ESTP – my polar opposite (my co-worker Mark is an ESTP). My sister and I are always the skeptics in any ‘new-age’ class. She can’t stand the fluffy fairy-talk in her massage training and I can’t keep my lunch when people talk about ‘magic’ in coach training. I’m always entertained by how practical I am in nearly everything. I have a distaste for excess or non-utility.

And re: the Catholic Church. It is a terrible shame what is going on right now. Because the spirituality – the basis of the beliefs are so inherently good (and seen in nearly every other world religion) but the doctrine and organization that is the Church is a diseased dinosaur. The complete lumping of homosexuality with pedaphilia is apalling – and the lack of looking at the age of the ‘victims’ – is this pedaphilia or seventeen-year-olds – it’s all put together in the same category (and homosexuality itself is not a sin – the Roman Catholic Church says that sexuality is inherent – god-given – but acting on it is a sin – and a whole ‘nother journal entry). And no one is talking about the female victims of these priests. Cardinal Law should be ousted. He’s a sex offender and the Church (and it’s local groups) have been complicit in moving around known sex offenders. That is such a load of complete shit what is going on right now. And it defames the men and women who bust their ass in missions and monasteries all over the world. Pedophilia is an endemic problem in this country and no one wants to talk about it because all of sudden you have to face the issue of when the parents are the perpetrators. And no one wants to go there.

My new hero is Greg Palast – the journalist that first reported how Bush and his friends excised thousands of voters from the Florida rosters – I put him in the same box as Bill Moyers. I think he replaces Michael Moore in my book. I feel like I need to be writing plays that are this explosive.

What are my goals for May?? Um…

  • Open up a new savings account with BankOne – move all but $1000 over to it and then re-allocate my direct deposit to put one-third in my checking, one-third to my savings and one-third to my credit cards. That should put me on track for a condo downpayment.
  • Finish Teddy’s site.
  • Get Marshon’s site mock-up up.
  • Get C_____ and G_____ to decide if they’re going to pay for my coach certification.
  • Visit home with Ron so mom and dad can meet him.
  • Get my free teleclass up and going.
  • Finish designing the pay teleclasses.
  • Get a massage.
  • Practice piano once a week.
  • Eat out much much much much less often.
  • Get my body fat percentage down.
  • More coming…

Lisa Lopes Dead.

TLC members Lisa “Left-Eye” (she wore a eye-patch as a gimmick) Lopes died. The comments on Metafilter are hysterically crass:

I blame poor depth perception.

Was she leaning out of the passenger side of her best friend’s ride?

Yeah, she was tryin’ to holler at me.

And I want to know why they said she died ‘tragically’.

GOD DAMMIT! if OurMedia? [bows head, makes sign of the dollar] says the terrorists are COWARDLY, and OurMedia? [genuflects, strikes wallet thrice] says Left Eye died TRAGICALLY, THEN THEY ARE AND SHE DID. PEOPLE!!! IT IS TIME TO STOP DISRESPECTING OURMEDIA? registered trademark, patents pending, contents may have settled during shipping, contains less than 4 insect parts per thousand, known as BestMedia? west of the rockies.

“Miss Lopes was admitted with what seemed to be serious but relatively survivable injuries following the accident,” said Dr. Hernando Florez of Our Lady of Divine Filtration Hospital in Tegucigalpa. “She refused medical treatment from the hospital staff, however, after repeatedly shouting ‘I don’t want no scrubs!’ during her time in the emergency room.”

My Buh-buh-buh-birthday!

It’s 1 am and the day of my birth brings the first sinus headache of the allergy season. Everything bloomed last week in the few days of warmth we’ve had and now I’m back to a sweatsuit to sleep in and stay warm. Ron took me to dinner tonight at Angelina’s – and I, as always – had the veal parmigiana and the chocolate bread pudding. He works tomorrow. We’re having the official friends dinner at Bandera on Saturday. Brigitte offered to take me to dinner tonight – and it seems the only place that I want to go is Boston Market. I’m crazy, I know.

Trying to imagine who I want to be in a year… and who I was last year. And how circumstances have changed but attitudes are slower to evolve. My throat hurts. Wah.

Nutty weather.

Damn, I just missed South Park. I got stuck watching MTV’s tribue to Aerosmith and then before I knew it I was watching their update on Sex in the 90s

Stayed home tonight. We took Karen to O’Hare this morning to see her fly out to San Diego – we watched as we got closer to the airport and Cressida’s doggy-drugs kicked in and she relaxed into puppy butter. Waited in line with Karen and then saw her off. She called us as we drove back into the city and she read the card we gave her in tears – of laughter, I think: we’d given her a card with a naked guy with a big erect penis on it. On the inside of the card Brig had written the word ‘penis’ about 50 times and then we left heartfelt tidings on the other side… I’d put in for a half day so I left work around 1 and went to see Ron before he left for work – ended up falling asleep at his place until about 6 or 7 and then got home. Came home and attacked my apartment which is a huge mess…

Does that new Shakira song remind anyone of Sarah Maclachlan (because of her yodel quality) or the Bangles’ song Eternal Flame? I always think of Debbie and Diana – the two twins I went to elementary and middloe school with who were more perfect than perfect and they sang that song for talent show. They were always so much better at everything than everyone else.

Sore throat today – I’m thinking from the weather changing and everything started blooming this week as well. We had highs of upper 70s at the beginning of this week and now it’s gonna be 40s – plus it’s starting to rain tonight… I’m sleepy again. Now I’m watching the end of Interview with the Vampire.

Scarcity and Struggle

I was doing work last night with Your Best Year Yet and was on question six or seven where you look at your own limiting beliefs and your excuses for not getting things done. The themes that emerged for me were ones of scarcity and struggle. That there is never enough time, money, energy or resources for my dreams and that things have to be difficult, hard and impeded at all times. You are then supposed to turn these beliefs around into a new paradigm for living… mine became something like I am inviting and enjoying effortless abundance. I gotta try that one on for a while. But the whole idea of struggle really hits the nail on the head – that because I set things up to be a huge challenge – they are. I think I’m also realizing this as I read a copy of the Tao de Ching I got last week (not a very good translation). Where do you predispose your self for struggle and drama – what if you just stopped it?

Bowlin’ bowlin’ bowlin’

Had a truly wonderful day on Saturday. Met Stever downtown for lunch – he’s in town for a big gay MBA conference. I’d met him at the coaching conference last year and we’ve kept in touch – he’s very inspiring to me. Then I came home and cooked all of my food for the week… then Chris (Karen’s ex) realized he wouldn’t get to see her for a long time so he booked an emergency flight from Atlanta to come see her – we all ate at Buca di Beppo and did quite well in not overloading. We got one entree, a salad and mashed taters – and even had room for some stupendous chocolate mousse pastry. Then we went bowling and retired to the bar for karaoke. Lingo did a whored-up version of Hit Me Baby One More Time and almost got molested by a drunken tubby with a harmonica. Ron showed up and bowled with us – he hadn’t bowled since he was 15 and won a game. I won a game too – it seems the less I focus the better I bowl. Then Ron, Lingo and I went to Roscoe’s and danced for a spell and then to Nookie’s for late night dinner and to bed at 5am. Slept in and worked out and then came home and went back to bed.

I’m going to miss the hell out of Karen. I’ve been near her for 10 years and it’s gonna be hard to adjust to not having her around all the time. But now I have an excuse to visit the west coast.

I got my first paid coaching client this week! Yay!

Monster’s Ball

Ron and I went to go see Monster’s Ball last night. It was excellent. Very very affecting film. I haven’t shed a tear during a film in a long time – but I had a couple of tears during the story of a woman who falls in love with her ex-husbands corrections officer. Halle deserves every bit of that Oscar and Billy Bob Thornton did an excellent job as well. I highly recommend it. Brigitte: You’ll dehydrate with this movie too – though not as bad as Dancer in the Dark.

Ron and I celebrate seven months today.

Awake.

I made the mistake of taking double decongestants last night when I got home. I tis now 2:54 AM and I can’t get back to sleep. The weekend went well. The flight was fine. Holding your grandmother’s ancient hand and staring into her sky-blue timeless eyes seems to put everything into perspective.