Plus or Minus

After a recent pregnancy scare, or as I like to think of it a terroist threat to my uterus (red alert), I started to ponder whether your parenting skills can be determined as far back as the pregnancy test you choose. I stood in the “pregnancy test aisle” at my local Meijer (typical mid-West, big box store) for nearly 45 minutes trying to decide which prenancy test to buy. Even though I am 27 and have been through this countless times before, I was still embarrassed and scared I would see someone I knew while I was trying to pick out the test that could change my life more than the ACT, SAT, or LSAT combined. As people passed I would feign examination of Playtex versus Tampax tampons for it was much easier to examine the products to the left of “the tests” than the condoms and KY-Jelly to the right. Finally, when I had my privacy I began to explore the shelves. There was the $25 , top of the line, electronic, throws you a party if yes or hands you a box of tissues if no test (or vice versa in my case). This thing says “Pregnant” or “Not Pregnant” because + or – might be too confusing these days. At the other end of the spectrum were the $6, Buy Two get One Free, Meijer-brand tests. If I go for the one on sale, will that make me a cheap mother? Shouldn’t I want the best for my child from the beginning. And yet, even though I don’t want children at this point, when (and if, more importantly) I do have them, I don’t want them to be spoiled from the start. I hate bratty kids. And not to mention, I don’t want to waste $25 if it ends up negative. And if it is positive, I will most likely need that $25 for more important things. I ended up with the middle of the road, high end, Meijer-brand test. $12. More than cheap, but less than spoiled. Luckily, I got a -, so I won’t have an answer to my hypothesis for a few years.






2 responses to “Plus or Minus”

  1. Diddy Avatar

    ‘This thing says “Pregnant” or “Not Pregnant” because + or – might be too confusing these days.’ Yes, I can see where the + or – can cause confusion. + can mean you are pregnant and – can mean you don’t have a uterus. That would confuse me! But then again, I also think that because Crisco has a picture of a chicken on the package there’s chicken inside.

  2. Andy Avatar

    Well that woke me up.

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