Oscars 2006 – The 78th Academy Awards

(spent the hour of the Oscars watching 24 on A & E but I did see the montage of homoerotic western quotes including Gregory Peck propositioning (was it?) Charlton Heston)

I like all the constant references to how you can only experience the power of cinema in front of a big screen. I think this is a pre-emptive insurance as the act of ‘going to’ the movies becomes less relevant, more expensive and more annoying as the cellphones, babies, mouth breathers, loud eaters and other manner-less delights infect the public cinema experience. Will attending movies become occasional like rock concerts?

Jessica Alba needs a sandwich.

Jon’s doing a great job as host. Though as he pointed out on Larry King, it doesn’t really matter how he does. Hosts that have bombed really haven’t had it affect their careers – it’s a non-event. I still like when Whoopi when she came out dressed as Judi Dench/Queen Elizabeth from Shakespeare in Love.

All the techie winners give such nice concise un-masturbatory speeches.

Lily Tomlin is a national treasure.

Robert Altman is one of those guys like Beckett where I get what he’s trying to do but still find his work boring as hell.

Between the two men hugging for Brokeback and the non-white people singing about pimping, I think conservative America is having a moral anyeurism.

They just finished pimp song like it was Broadway number? Now that is hysterical. How do you do full orchestral arrangements for a gangsta song?

Dolly Parton is a national treasure as well. I think she and Lily should be at the Kennedy Center Honors together.

I think Dolly was more excited about ‘Pimp’ winning the Oscar than if she’d won herself.

Great. Now I have that ‘You! Shall become! Geisha!’ quote stuck in my head.

I still found King Kong ultimate dis-satisfying. Though whenever I see Kong catch whats-her-face I get a little chill because that is such a great image.

I still think you cut this whole damned show to 2 hours.

I wonder how they determine if an Academy member gets honored in the telecast or not after they die?

I want to be in an Anne Bancroft/Faye Dunaway sandwich.

NO WAY they are bringing Tab back as an energy drink.

Reminder to you to rent Vera Drake if you haven’t. It’ll tear your heart out.

Did Truman Capote really talk like that? SWEET GOD.

Did you see the commercial where the Yellow M&M has lip collagen. That cracked me up. Looks like Kelly LeBrock on Celebrity Fit Club 3. (Why Kelly? Why? You’re MILFtastic without it!)

Travolta is getting the squinty Gere thing.

Did Travolta say Armoires of a Geisha?

Did you hear a voice say ‘Here we go,’ right as Travolta was speaking the winner?

I. LOVE. JUDI DENCH.

Kiera Knightley is no Kate Winslet.

Dustin Hoffman is nervous.

That McD’s commercial with Pennywise the clown on the park bench creeped me out. I thought he was going to eat the tyke.

I’m hoping that the Oscars means an end to Brokeback parodies. It seems we haven’t had this many parodies of a movie since Blair Witch Project.

Jack Nicholson is wearing sunglasses? He sounds sick.

Crash for best picture. Tomorrow morning’s news will say that this is a rejection of Brokeback and it’s east-coast bring us some faggy-pudding liberallintellectuals.

Yeah. This could be cut down to 2.5 hours easy.

6 thoughts on “Oscars 2006 – The 78th Academy Awards

  1. Jim L

    Glad to hear that “Bareback Mounting” didn’t come up as picture of the year. Now that we’ve heard from the gay cowboy contingent, we eagerly await the latest from hermaphroditic welders.

  2. J.J.

    I dunno about Jack; the person that REALLY made me nervous was Lauren Bacall. My heart crawled up into my larynx, as I watched her struggling with the teleprompter.

  3. Clayton Rockafella

    Oh har har har har Jim L, you really are a tit. I am a homosexual cowboy (or queerboys as we like to be called) and I though the movie was excellent.

    The sex scenes were so aggressive and realistic, although I would have liked to have scene a bit of cock (cos thats what I like yum). I did get a bit of a semi-on during the movie but had to wait until I got home before I could relieve myself all over a picture of Matt Damon. He’s so hunky.

  4. Dennis

    What! Kelly’s lips aren’t real? I can be so naive.

    My favorite part of the show was one of the interviews on E! it involved those Williams tennis sisters. They were asked who they were most excited for and one of them said “Philip Semen Hoffmour.”

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