AVP: Alien vs. Predator

The good news is I didn’t waste $10 seeing this cinematic turd in the theatres.

The bad news is I did waste $3.50 seeing this cinematic turd on DVD.

Good God. It sucks. I mean really. It manages to pith both franchises in one fell swoop.

Here’s what I don’t get about AVP or any Alien movie after Aliens. There are hundreds of pages of comics out there to draw from – an entire library and history of alternative possibilities. Why not choose one of those? The Aliens comics were pretty damned good.

It is a movie where all the important people have dialects. Where the obvious is spelled out over and over again just in case there are any mentally incompetent viewers. Raoul Bova – for shame! We even have our dykish Vasquez/Dietrich character.

I think that Paul W. S. Anderson should be prevented from making another movie ever again. Yes, his movies look nice – but he couldn’t direct his way out of nut sack.

Bullet-time for a face-hugger flying through the air? Doesn’t anyone realize that bullet-time in any movie is going to look so awfully dated in about… well, already. Ugh.

Thank you Sigourney for staying away. Lance Henriksen – good gracious man, you should have stayed away!

It reminded me of Dungeons & Dragons where you go explore a dungeon that is centuries old and yet there’s little dust and all the traps manage to work correctly and perfectly on time.

And the coda – hinting at a hybrid? Ugh.

2 thoughts on “AVP: Alien vs. Predator

  1. David

    Goodness man, what did you expect? For the ultimate ‘beasts in conflict’ scenario I suggest renting ‘Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?’. Don’t buy it though, because a new edition is coming soom with all sorts of goodies. Love, David.

  2. lisa

    Oh AndyM-

    Now, I know you’re a long time Alien fan, but I LOVED this movie! I’m gonna go with David, “what did you expect?”

    I found the movie totally entertaining. I loved the big dreadlocked rasta predator. The part that *did* bug me is how all of the sudden the predators are “good guys.” How the hell did that happen? Back in the day they were simply on a human killing spree. Now we have one bad ass chick and suddenly we’re all playing nice together?

    Nonetheless, I’ve watched it twice now, and will be inviting friends over for a 3rd viewing.

    (And, I still want my own rasta predator playmate to show off to my friends.)

    🙂

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