Fell of the Lenten wagon in a big way yesterday. My ban on bread caved with a visit to Zoom Kitchen and a turkey loaf sandwich on sourdough with chutney and garlic mayo (+ cookie). The ban on ecstasy caved when Ron confessed he was no longer master of his domain. Oh well. I was joking that I wouldn’t come again until Jesus did but I seem to have dropped my cross… I remember once when I saw Jesus carrying a cross on the bus. I was pissed – I wanted to go up to him and say: ‘um… should you be dragging that thing?’ I mean, I guess he could put a wheel on the bottom of it – but Jesus didn’t take the CTA to Golgotha – that much I know.
Watched MTV TrueLife: Plastic Surgery last night. It was slightly disturbing to see this pair of 19 and 20 year old best friends – they’ve already both had boob jobs and liposuction and they’re going back for nose jobs and more lipo. Then there was this guy that had an amazing physique – except he couldn’t stand his little baby calves (not calves-moo, calves en releve). He talked about women alot but really enjoyed shaving all of his body hair, tanning, had lots of tattoos, wore body glitter and danced shirtless a lot. Then again it is L.A. Straight guys are starting to get as vain as the gay world. It seems that to act straight means to be slovenly – or less manicured and ‘kempt’ then your men-loving brethren. Seems there’s a trickle down effect. Starts with in-the-know-artsy-fartsy gay guys and then moves to the rest of the gay/bi community and then to the the artsy-fartsy-alternative straight guys and then to the rest of the male community. Happened with earrings. Happening with tattoos. Ron assures me that getting my left ear pierced would be oh so 1997 of me. I’ve really been wanting to get a tattoo lately though… and know mom and dad will freak out but that’s sort of a given. Why not modify your body to your liking? I just think it’s one of those things I’d regret not doing… sort of like if I’d never decided to try dating guys.
Ron has asked me if I was really gay twice in the past two weeks… not sure why. I’m not going to argue semantics with anyone. If someone wants to identify me as gay because I have a boyfriend right now then mine, yay gay. But But for accuracy I’m still attracted to women… It is interesting to me the stand-offish-ness some gay guys have that bisexuality isn’t a real sexuality… when there’s many straights that would contend the same thing about homosexuality. Why let plumbing get in the way of pleasure? And when the world seems to end every three days, does it really matter? I don’t know if Ron sees this issue as a easy reason for me to leave him or what – could it be a reason we’ve lasted so long?
Got lots of webwork to do this weekend. Building a website for one of Ron’s friends, doing some work for two fellow coaches and trying to get an ISP’s design gig.
Excited that Jospeh posted a comment to my entry yesterday – that’s one reason I am moving this operation to the MovableType script – so I can have comments. Yay!
Hungry hungry… I had food poisoning Sunday through Monday. Quite a sickening event – shat myself silly ever 20 minutes for about 16 hours. I haven’t felt that awful in a long time. Once I purged though I felt so much better – couldn’t tell ya the meal that caused it though. Hmmm… feeling wandering lately… putting together plans to get out of corporate life by the end of 2003. It seems so futile though. I feel beat down. Wah wah wah… if you wanted whining you can go elsewhere to find it. Ron and I clock in at six months on the 3rd. Pretty nuts if you ask me.
Hey Blog Peeps.
Don’t freak out.
I’m converting my blog into MovableType format so the archives won’t be available for a week or so.
But don’t worry – if I were a sorority babe I’d be hot (click on the Quiz).
Fardin’s world caved in when an American bomb came through the roof of the room where he was sleeping. He was spared physically. But the six-year-old has not uttered a word nor taken a step since.
The evening turned surreal. After meeting Kevin and Kelly for pizza and a third viewing of The Lord of the Rings (which rocks a third time!) we had to go over to the W Hotel and be stand-ins for a piece on Fox about the Chicago singles scene – the interviewer was Kim Fields. That’s right – Tutti from Facts of Life. She’s got blonde dreadlocks now and is in the vagina monologues. I acted all knowledgeable about the Chicago singles scene… heh heh heh.
domme: lets talk
domme: lets meet
me: I’m taken right now
domme: by who
domme: are you gay
domme: no gay or not you can be bi
me: then I’m bi
domme: much better put that on profile
me: what aobut you?
domme: bi married
domme: he fucks your ass real good i love fucking mens asses
domme: how big is he dom
BUZZ!!! Buzzing is an option in Yahoo! Messenger
me: DON’T YOU BUZZ ME MISTER MAN
domme: im a woman basterd
me: DON’T YOU BUZZ ME MISSUS WOMAN!
domme: and dominate
me: I’ve got a friend that would love to meet you
me: we can’t find him a domme
domme: no he must be ugly and gay
me: no he’s straight and punk looking
me: or do you mean you dominate gay men?
domme: no punk i want good looking men and women slaves
me: o i c
domme: he must be ugly
me: he’s ugly agreeing with her just to keep things going
domme: i knew it and im not
me: oh well
domme: take your ass to boys town
me: you’re so argumentative it makes me laugh
domme: you are so dumb its (vomit emoticon)
me: why am I so dumb?
domme: rude also faget
me: why am I rude
me: well I hope you find some smart non-nauseating bottom’s to dominate tonight – sorry I couldn’t help you
domme: fuck off
a few minutes pass…
domme: fuck off
a few more minutes pass…
Bought Twin Peaks: Season One on DVD. Unfortunately the pilot is not included so I am having to import that from Taiwan (the version available in the states is the same one in Europe – it has a tacked one ending they used to release the pilot as a stand-alone movie). The transfer to digital video is crystal clear and the sound rocks. I realize how much I’ve ripped off from Twin Peaks in my own work – I want to have a month of weekly parties to watch the entire first season – maybe on Tuesday nights – have a little dinner and then watch two or three episodes. I have season two on VHS too – not sure when they’re planning on releasing it on DVD.
I feel the Zoloft starting to bring me back out of my slump. It is funny – you go from taking it every day like a good boy and then every other day and then you forget it once or twice and then you notice that you aren’t taking it at all but you’ll take it tomorrow, it’s already too late today to take it. It’s like walking on solid ground that gets a little wet and starts to turn to mud – but very slowly so you don’t notice until your knee deep and can barely move. Sometimes it makes me very depressed knowing that I’m not hard-wired for contentment. That my tendency is towards malaise. But wah-wah-wah, right?
Had a very surprising weekend. Brigitte and Karen and I are coming back from Ikea and Ron calls and says that we are flying to San Francisco in three hours to go his friend Ferdi’s birthday party. I was a little displeased because I’d already told him that I couldn’t go to San Francisco this weekend and to go without me, but there he was saying ‘you’re gonna be mad at me, but I booked us on a flight.’ I finally agreed to go and had all of an hour to get back home and pack some stuff and get in a taxi to O’Hare. Part of me was livid and I knew that no matter what I had to have my say about how this was done. I get in the taxi and Ron asks if I’m mad at him. I tell him that I’m sure that by the end of the weekend I’ll be so glad and happy that I came and that I had a great time but to surprise this on me at the last minute – even after I’d told him I didn’t want to go – to steamroll my plans and my schedule and commit me anyway was out of line. I tried to frame it as succinctly as possible. You don’t tell someone with panic attacks that they’re flying cross-country with 2 hours notice. Usually I would just suck it up and go and be bitter for a while – but I decided I had to make sure that I said what I felt. And I did. Once i took a nap on the plane I felt a lot better and we had a good time. I have to start calling people on it when they over-step a boundary or I’m doomed to be taken advantage of. I hated the way I felt though – why can’t I just go with the flow and have a good time – why is part of me always so anti-fun and anti-spontaneous? Why do I have to have this mini-fit? I felt awful having to even have this discussion. But I think I would have stewed the whole weekend if I hadn’t. Anyway – after the party we went to a club called NTouch – a gay asian dance club. It was jarring to be the racial minority in the crowd – a healthy taste of medicine, methinks (but nowhere near a proper dosage…). We danced for about two hours and then retired to a hotel room that Ferdi had rented for his revelers. I was the only caucasian for most of the weekend – and over half of all conversation was in Tagalog (gotta hit that phrasebook!). The flight home rocked – we got first class on United. I think it is just hysterical that people expect these kinds of services on a flight – and that it’s provided.