wednesday, july 25

Today I did a little exercise during lunch. I made a list of all of the projects I have a hand in or support. Over 15 different systems and processes. Half of those I’m the back-up admin for. This is bullshit. I was all over the place today. Worked on at least a different task every hour – I talk to other people in my department, “Is it just me or does it feel like everything is spinning out of control?” It really is starting to get nutty. Boxing was good this morning – Jerome started teaching some left-handed stuff and I’m trying to keep all the foot work straight in my head. Probably doesn’t help that when he’s saying ‘left-right-left’ I’m thinking chass? or ‘pivot-turn-and-get-outta-there’ turns into pas de bourr?e. Ah, the worlds of dance and boxing collide. Still feel like a big wuss because my punches aren’t landing on the flat of my fist but on the knuckles. Patience. Beginner mind, right?

I was musing on the last time I had a female body in my arms… thinking about her body… sumptuous breasts presenting themselves to my mouth as her back arched and her full hips began to writhe… it’s been a while.

Tomorrow is Sinister smackdown. Half of the actors aren’t going as far with their characterizations as I would like. It’s funny because if you ask any actor – how’d you like to get to play four different diverse characters in one play – most would be foaming at the mouth to show off their versatility. I haven’t had to pull anyone back yet. It’s like some of them are concerned with appearing ‘cool’. And cool is something none of my characters are. Nice people are boring. Un-involved people are boring. Plays are about cunts and bastards. Talking to Brigitte today and mentioned how much Lingo’s feedback on the script meant to me and she said that Lingo said that she thinks Sinister is the best thing yet and that it really shows me continuing to evolve as a writer. I’m so dissolved in the production process right now that I forget I’m adding another work to my oeuvre – and Sinister feels like a step back into regular writing and play making. I gotta do an actor pep-talk and get them all to awaken their inner bad-asses.

Analysis of parallels between Fight Club and Calvin and Hobbes: is Jack really an older Calvin? Important quote to say to yourself as you imagine who your inner badass would be if awakened: “I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I’m smart, capable, and most importantly, I’m free in all the ways you wish you could be.” Say that to the mirror tomorrow morning.

This past week passed July 23rd – I always try to mark the 23rd day of every month from my birthday – I did a quarterly report of Andy Enterprises in my journal. I made a three month plan for the coming quarter. I’m, as usual, trying to do too many things at one time. I keep mouthing off how I’m going to take it easy in September – who am I fooling? I got at least three websites to roll-out along with four other projects.

I’m hoping my boss will pay for me to go to the international conference of the International Coaches Federation for personal coaches – it’s just a few blocks up from work in three weeks – I want to go and party and take workshops. I’ve re-reading my texts from my training with CTI two years ago – personal coaching just seems like such a wonderfully relentless and productive occupation. I think what sucks about my current state is that I’m really good at all the technical computery stuff – I just don’t like doing it. Like my sister – we were bad-ass academics with math and science – we just don’t like doing it. I think we’re both puzzle-solvers when it comes down to it. I like being given a project and leave me alone and let me tinker. I realized this week why one of my co-workers talks so loud: hearing aid. I’ll never forget doing a play with so many old people that you could actually hear the audience breathing between your lines – that and I come out for scene three and I hear myself echoing in all the hearing aids in the audience followed by a high-pitched ‘yeeeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeeee-kcsh!’ as they get feedback. I have a new peeve: people breathing with their mouths open in public places – or really just in close proximity to me. When I can tell if the wino had Smirnoff or Skyy – you’re too fucking close!

I wanted to publicly thank Tartblog for her comments on my blog – it’s funny that you never know who’s reading this stuff… thanks Tart!






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