Four Post-Apocalyptic Seinfeld Scenes

From a Reddit writing prompt:

The last two people alive are Jerry and a woman. They can’t repopulate the planet because she has weird ear lobes. … With a mutant George.

George: “Jerry, what’s wrong with her?”
Jerry: “Her ear lobes, I just can’t do it”
George: “Jerry, she’s a gorgeous woman”
Jerry: “It’s the lobes! The lobes! It’s a bad lobe to rest of ear ratio. It just won’t work!”
Mutant George: “Just look at me! My ear is hanging off my head!”
Jerry: “I know I KNOW!”
Jerry: “I’m lobe conscious. I’m a lobe conscious individual”
Mutant George: “You’re a lobist! You have always hated the lobe, Jerry! Always hated the lobe!”

Rise and shine

Elaine: I know his marksmanship was keeping the horde at bay but he said the same thing every morning! “Rise and shine, time to survive.” I couldn’t take it anymore!
Jerry: So you got the group to shun him?
Elaine: It was obviously bothering other people or it wouldn’t have been so easy!
Jerry: What does it even mean?
Elaine: I know!
[later in the episode, Elaine’s group is pinned down by zeds and rescued by another group, led by You Know Who]
Elaine [looking at her former group leader]: Rise and shine?

Cannibalism and man-hands

Jerry: I don’t know, George, she’s beautiful, but I think she’s a cannibal!
George: So what? It’s not she’s trying to eat you. You know how many attractive there are left in this town?
Kramer: You know those cannibals, Jerry, they get into some (weird Kramer clicking sound) kinky stuff!

JERRY: She had man-hands!
ELAINE: [pause] Man, hands?
JERRY: The hands of a man. She keeps dozens of them in a cooler and eats them!
ELAINE: So you can’t date someone who’s into finger food?

Sponges to Cirpo

Jerry to Elaine: “So let me get this straight. You walked for 10 days straight to loot every pharmacy in greater Manhattan of antibiotics?”
Elaine: “Yep.”
Jerry: “Aaand you refuse to give one dose to your dying boyfriend?”
Elaine: “I don’t refuse Jerry, I’m not an animal! It’s just, just that’s there’s only so much left and…”
Jerry: “and what? The man is dying!”
Elaine: “…and I’m just not sure he’s, well, antibiotic-worthy!”
Jerry: “antibiotic-worthy???”
Elaine: “Don’t get me wrong, he’s nice and all, but say someday I have a great husband who gives me a wonderful life – I’m a queen among the ruins – and he gets gangrene? What’ll i do? Say ‘Sorry, but I gave out too many doses to my previous conquests?!”

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Zombie Seinfeld from






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