Pandas: The Paris Hiltons of the Animal Kingdom

From August J. Pollack:

They exist because we lavish them with wealth, fawn over their appearance, and stare at them endlessly via night-vision cameras.


The bamboo. Let’s talk about the damn bamboo. You want a perfect example of how Intelligent Design is bupkus? This is a gigantic animal “designed” to favor as a food staple a plant that has almost no nutritional value whatsoever. Bamboo has a nutrient level somewhere along the lines of celery, therefore instead of turning to meat, or other sources, pandas have to eat tons of it daily just to get enough nutrients. Remember those stupid Total cereal ads where they show the douchebag at the hotel or something the pyramid of cornflakes he’d have to eat to get all the nutrition from one bowl of Total? That’s bamboo for pandas.







2 responses to “Pandas: The Paris Hiltons of the Animal Kingdom”

  1. Wilde Avatar

    So, I guess that shoving it under people’s fingernails is really the way to get the most out of it

  2. sam Avatar

    No, it’s flooring. Bamboo flooring is fucking fabulous.

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