If Trump's America Was a Mean Girl

The gossip is that America is a total bitch lately:

“Like, oh my God, have you talked to America lately? She’s like, suuuuuper weird now. She used to be all high and mighty and push the other girls around, saying that she could do what she wanted because she was super rich and super athletic and stuff. Like, seriously, just because your family makes a lot of money and invented the Internet doesn’t mean you can, like, control everyone, right?

“Anyway, she used to be all up in everyone’s business because she, like, won a clique war or something. We get it, that girl Deutshe lost, and she dragged Nippon and Italia with her, but now that some time has passed, America isn’t the biggest bitch in school anymore. I mean, yeah, she’s still super rich, and she can kick most of our butts if it ever came to a scrape, but now she’s… changed, you know? She used to be super all about Freedom, and Liberty, and treating her friends nice and trying to make everyone in school feel better about themselves (outwardly, at least, she was kinda fake about it; I think she was just doing it to piss of Ruskie’s clique? I dunno, Russia turned into a total jackass, too. I mean, did you hear about when he stole Ukraine’s backpack? He just kept screaming that it was his, or something.)

“Anyway, ever since last November, she’s turned suuuuuper mean and grouchy. She keeps screaming at the school newspaper staff, claiming that they’re making it all up, but I hear that she just doesn’t like what they’re saying because it’s the truth, and it doesn’t make her look good, ya know? Like, they ran this expose about her being all handsy, and she was suuuper pissed. And, she found a bunch of people who agree with her, and she’s all grumpy because no one else is listening to her because she’s, like, such a perv. Also, she’s been bitching about all the Muslim and Latina girls because she, like, thinks they’re taking advantage of her, even though they help her in her Gardening Club and stuff.

“Also, you didn’t hear this from me, but she’s stopped going to her favorite clubs and stopped doing her volunteer work (I think she used to do, like, charity work. I dunno, something that looked good on her college applications) and she keeps saying that she’s changed, and now it’s all about HER. She’s also talking about how she’s not going to take her meds anymore (something about them being socialist, or… something. She thinks they’re too expensive.) You didn’t hear that from me, but her not taking her meds is NOT a good thing, we’re probably going to see her do a full meltdown; her Twitter account is already weird, and I think she’s trying to convicne Russia to go out with her, but… It’s like, weird, you know? Those two hated each other foreverrrrr and now America’s all “I love you! You’re all big and strong and I like your bear!”

“Idk, her other “friends”, assuming they’re all still friends, keep telling her she’s crazy, and that Russia’s been hacking her Facebook and stuff, but she won’t listen and no one seems to be able to tell her how crazy she’s gotten. I hope she gets some help, or takes a good long look in the mirror. Bitch turned cray. Hopefully she realizes it before she has a total meltdown.”

Full discussion in context.






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