Why David Cronenberg Should Direct ‘Breaking Dawn’

From CHUD: (spoilers)

Edward is afraid to fuck his new bride… he’s super strong and she’s just a human… But Bella wears him down and Edward throws it in her – and knocks her the fuck out, leaving her badly bruised. Let’s go over that again: Edward fucks Bella into unconsciousness. Bella goes back to Edward for seconds. This time he knocks her up… The baby kicks so hard it breaks Bella’s ribs and then severs her spine. Edward is completely freaked out about the baby, fearing it will kill Bella. Edward gives Bella an emergency C-section with his fucking teeth… It’s so horrible it’s brilliant, and this scene alone is why I remain firm in declaring that David Cronenberg must direct Breaking Dawn.  [Then,] Jacob falls in love with the baby. So one day he’s going to stick his wolf dick in this girl that he see as a bloody newborn. Romance is not dead, it’s just being abused by insane Mormon writers. The entire film of Breaking Dawn would play like the weirdest exploitation film since Doris Wishman died – brutal sex, bizarre body horror, unbelievable pedophilia.A werewolf falling in love with a baby. This is why Thomas Edison invented this shit in the first place.


Published by <span class='p-author h-card'>Andy</span>

Gay Hoosier Taurus INFJ ex-playwright pianist gymbunny published author in San Francisco.