monday, december 31

2001 was a hard year. False friend’s betrayal and the usual upheaval I seem to attract (create?). But it has been a good year – I still contend it gets better each year. I’m in the best emotional, mental, physical health I’ve ever been in my life (working on the artistic, financial and vocational). I have a loving and caring family. I have a circle of supportive and inspiring friends. I have a great boyfriend (never though I’d write that!). I am staging a transition from the corporate world to one that more closely fits my creativity and life. I produced three one-act plays myself this past March, wrote/directed a serial drama in August, became a poster boy for Jim Beam. I’m getting a piano. I am back in coaching training. I’m doing my own work as a client with a personal coach. I’m rolling out websites this coming month that will help me move away from cubicle-land. Regrets? I like to think I live with no regrets – but I always have a few shoulda coulda wouldas in the back of my mind… I wish I would have learned roller-blading this past summer so I don’t have to have that learning curve with Ron this summer. I wish I would have invested less emotionally in my dayjob. I wish I would have nailed Nick’s ass to the wall sooner. I wish I made more time to write. I wish I’d had less anxiety attacks. I wish I’d used Webvan one last time. I wish I’d been less scared. I think that’s what it all comes down to. Being less scared. Or maybe being more courageous. Or just not giving a shit about looking stupid, dumb, geeky, fat, skinny, pale, ugly, gawky, awkward, nervous, faggy, incompetent, untalented, wrong, unsure, vain, defeated, impolite, self-righteous, weak or not good enough. And allowing myself the freedom to be powerful, intelligent, articiulate, strong, sexy, confident, competent, creative, dynamic, independent, self-reliant, entrepeneurial, honest, funny, calm, energetic, intuitive, athletic, irreverent, unabashed and good enough. I want to stop comparing myself to everyone else and start comparing myself to the better me I imagine myself to become. I am reminded of that magical page in one of Sark’s books:

You have enough.

You do enough.

You are enough.

God bless everyone, everywhere.