Category Archives: Religion

Rapture Ready SysAdmins Assume They’ll Be Rapt

For just $40 a year, believers can arrange for up to 62 people to get a final message exactly six days after the Rapture, that day when — according to Christian end times dogma — Christians will be swept up to heaven, while doubters are left behind to suffer seven years of Tribulation under a global government headed by the Antichrist. The e-mails will be triggered when three of the site’s five Christian staffers "scattered around the U.S." fail to log in for six days in a row — a system that incorporates a nice margin of safety, should two of the proprietors turn out to be unrepentant sinners or atheists.

Of course these staffers assume that they will be assumed to heaven with the rest of the faithful. Wouldn’t it rock it we had the rapture and they were all still here?

50 Go Blind Staring at Sun Looking for Virgin Mary

Darwinism in action:

At least 50 people in Kottayam district have reportedly lost their vision after gazing at the sun looking for an image of Virgin Mary. Though alarmed health authorities have installed a signboard to counter the rumour that a solar image of Virgin Mary appeared to the believers, curious onlookers, including foreign travellers, have been thronging the venue of the ‘miracle’.

Yes, that will help things. A sign to tell people not to stare directly into a fucking fireball. At least here in Chicago we find our virgins under overpasses, tortillas or toast.

Pope Sets Up Exorcism Squads to Combat Satanism

Why oh why does our current Pope have to look so un-venerable? That hawkish glare is really unsettling. I’m glad I was able to enjoy the reign of Pope John Paul II who always seemed so kind and caring and relaxed.

The Pope has ordered his bishops to set up exorcism squads to tackle the rise of Satanism. Vatican chiefs are concerned at what they see as an increased interest in the occult. They have introduced courses for priests to combat what they call the most extreme form of “Godlessness.”

This has to be a joke.

Found on Bob Cesca’s Goddamn Awesome Blog which I found via his HuffPost entry on the year’s Most Inappropriate Bush War Smirk of 2007.

James Dobson Confirms Pro-Life Ultimatum

Theocracy here we come!

After two hours of deliberation, we voted on a resolution that can be summarized as follows: If neither of the two major political parties nominates an individual who pledges himself or herself to the sanctity of human life, we will join others in voting for a minor-party candidate. Those agreeing with the proposition were invited to stand. The result was almost unanimous.

Ha. HERSELF.

Honor Killing: German Man Stabbed Wife to Death, Set Her On Fire

On trial in Munich:

“I don’t regret that I killed my wife.” He would do it again. She would have earned it. And above all the politics of the Federal Republic of Germany are also guilty of her death. Why: “Because the women here have so many rights, they become immodest”…. The crime of the young woman: she wanted to get a divorce. Dozens of people in the Maier Leibnitz street witnessed the killing. The man stabbed the woman who had just divorced him 13 times. Then he ran to his car, took a can with gasoline, went to the mortally wounded but still living woman, poured it over, and set her on fire. “I wanted to kill her”, he says now before court. And: “I do this if I am a man”.

Pope to Condi Rice: ‘Suck It’

Everybody’s favorite Nazi-pope told everybody’s favorite frustrated pianist:

Pope Benedict XVI refused a meeting request from Condoleezza Rice to meet this past August and discuss issues pertaining to Iraq and the Middle East in general. The first reason is that back in March 2003 — just before the Iraq war began — Rice met with a special papal envoy from Rome and told them that the Bush administration didn’t care about the views of the late Pope John Paul II on the immorality of its planned military actions in Iraq.

Sir Ian McKellen Versus the Gideon Bible

He tears out that one special page:

In a profile by John Lahr, Ian McKellen, confesses that part of his agenda as an openly gay famous person is ripping the page with Leviticus 20:13 out of the Bible whenever his hotel room comes Scripture-equipped. “It’s the one thing I find difficult to defend but do go on doing,” confesses the distinguished Shakespearean actor…

For 50 Years, Mother Theresa Felt No God

From an upcoming book of correspondence between Mother Theresa and her superiors:

The letters, many of them preserved against her wishes (she had requested that they be destroyed but was overruled by her church), reveal that for the last nearly half-century of her life she felt no presence of God whatsoever — or, as the book’s compiler and editor, the Rev. Brian Kolodiejchuk, writes, “neither in her heart or in the eucharist.”

From Metafilter comments:

My view: Mother Teresa saw the reality of life more intimately than nearly anyone who has ever lived; she saw no kind and benevolent God because it doesn’t exist. Kindness and benevolence comes from us, not an invisible superhero in the sky, and there wasn’t much of it to be found toward her chosen charges.

Whether or not you believe in a god, or God or gods, I think the struggle of faith is so rarely articulated and seen as a fundamental weakness of the faithful – instead of an ongoing journey. I’ve always thought that you sorta have to nail Christ to the cross yourself to see if that is really what you believe instead of being spoonfed a belief system from a nomadic gaggle of shepherders.

Chicago Priest Gave Church Money to Married Louisville Male Stripper

I love it when a story spans my hometown area and my current bilocation:

Sorvillo — who pleaded guilty Friday to stealing nearly $200,000 from St. Margaret Mary parish on the North Side — gave cars, plane tickets and thousands of dollars in cash to James Sosnicki, a married Louisville man who stripped frequently at gay clubs in Chicago, law enforcement sources said. Reached in Louisville, Sosnicki told the Chicago Sun-Times he paid Sorvillo back — and said their relationship was never sexualWhile searching the rectory at St. Margaret Mary, investigators found naked photos of a dark-haired man who turned out to be Sosnicki, according to law enforcement sources. One showed Sosnicki sleeping naked in the rectory bed. Investigators also found a poster advertising the 2004 “International Mr. Leather” competition — featuring Sosnicki as one of the models.