For just $40 a year, believers can arrange for up to 62 people to get a final message exactly six days after the Rapture, that day when — according to Christian end times dogma — Christians will be swept up to heaven, while doubters are left behind to suffer seven years of Tribulation under a global government headed by the Antichrist. The e-mails will be triggered when three of the site’s five Christian staffers "scattered around the U.S." fail to log in for six days in a row — a system that incorporates a nice margin of safety, should two of the proprietors turn out to be unrepentant sinners or atheists.
Of course these staffers assume that they will be assumed to heaven with the rest of the faithful. Wouldn’t it rock it we had the rapture and they were all still here?
Darwinism in action:
At least 50 people in Kottayam district have reportedly lost their vision after gazing at the sun looking for an image of Virgin Mary. Though alarmed health authorities have installed a signboard to counter the rumour that a solar image of Virgin Mary appeared to the believers, curious onlookers, including foreign travellers, have been thronging the venue of the ‘miracle’.
Yes, that will help things. A sign to tell people not to stare directly into a fucking fireball. At least here in Chicago we find our virgins under overpasses, tortillas or toast.
Why oh why does our current Pope have to look so un-venerable? That hawkish glare is really unsettling. I’m glad I was able to enjoy the reign of Pope John Paul II who always seemed so kind and caring and relaxed.
The Pope has ordered his bishops to set up exorcism squads to tackle the rise of Satanism. Vatican chiefs are concerned at what they see as an increased interest in the occult. They have introduced courses for priests to combat what they call the most extreme form of “Godlessness.”
This has to be a joke.
Found on Bob Cesca’s Goddamn Awesome Blog which I found via his HuffPost entry on the year’s Most Inappropriate Bush War Smirk of 2007.
Everybody’s favorite Nazi-pope told everybody’s favorite frustrated pianist:
Pope Benedict XVI refused a meeting request from Condoleezza Rice to meet this past August and discuss issues pertaining to Iraq and the Middle East in general. The first reason is that back in March 2003 — just before the Iraq war began — Rice met with a special papal envoy from Rome and told them that the Bush administration didn’t care about the views of the late Pope John Paul II on the immorality of its planned military actions in Iraq.