Monthly Archives: October 2000

tuesday, october 31

from webcam chat:

44593513: (9:55 AM) .you’re a god !!!!
Andrew: (9:55 AM) thanks!
DEX: (9:55 AM) .sorry..
Andrew: (9:56 AM) don’t apologize – always nice to hear nice things
DEX: (9:56 AM) . even from another guy ?
Andrew: (9:57 AM) sure
DEX: (9:57 AM) …okay…..thanks…..for your attitude….
Andrew: (9:57 AM) No big schmeal.
DEX: (9:58 AM) .bi..straight.or gay..you STILL looked like a god……
Andrew: (10:00 AM) thnx
DEX: (10:00 AM) .take care, young Sir…..
.God bless and watch over You…….always……….
Andrew: (10:01 AM) thank you so much for your kind tidings
DEX: (10:01 AM) .thank You……….

Oh and I ended up

Oh and I ended up wearing a red pleather miniskirt-dress for a few minutes of Nick’s Halloween party on Saturday. It was suggested that Brigitte and I switch costumes. Um, okay. We did. Though she ended up switching with another guy who was dressed up as Monica Lewinksy on Slim-Fast. Of course there are pictures. I’ll post them here when they’re in.

Been thinking about the suggestion from a talent scout that I change my last name. I guess I want to be given permission to do this. I find myself doing that a lot. I wish someone would give me permission be all that I want to be. Though I know that that permission ultimately comes from within.

I feel myself aging lately.

I feel myself aging lately. I look in the mirror and I notice the start of little crease wrinkles under my eyes. I remember when I noticed this in my sister I got teary eyed because it made me realize how much we’ve gone through together. But now I’m just sighing. I’m aging. It is happening. I feel like avoiding the sun forever – maybe that’ll work! But I think of my sun exposure all my life and it is minimal to everybody elses. My skin is roughened from years of shaving, teen acne and college worry. I know I should welcome this new found character. And I know many guys in their thirties that I can’t wait to look like. Like my pal Anthony – though that ho’s been on Retin-A since high school.

Saw the doc last week about my tonsillectomy – he isn’t totally sold on the idea. But he trusts the otolaryngologist I’m going to (ear, nose and throat doc, y’all). I just want to be well for more than four weeks in a row. Really getting tired of sinus infections and such. Also talked to my GP about going off Zoloft – I’ve gone to a half dose now for about three or four months. He suggested I either wait until the winter is over or at least get a lux lamp to combat Seasonal Affectiveness Disorder. He asked me, “What are you like when the sun stops shining?” I said, “Well, I stare at the walls and cry a lot but other than that I love winter.” So I’m gonna shop around online for some of those UV lamps – but then that might be an excuse to go to the tanning bed during the winter to retain a youthful glow, eh??

I still have an averse

I still have an averse reaction to the whole chest stripe shirt/sweater movement that refuses to die after three years. I just can’t do it. I’ve come close to buying one of those abhorrent things but I just can’t. I mean I never thought I’d ever actually start wearing ball caps. That is enough of a mainstream jump for me.

I did bow down and buy a pair of Gap leather pants Monday. I wore them on Saturday at a Halloween party – I was the altar boy in leather pants. They feel real good.

I’m currently sharing my dating interest between two guys. Richard knows about Erik, but Erik doesn’t know about Richard. I mean if asked by Erik what’s up I’ll tell him. I figure he just assumes what is going on. Last night Nick’s friend Jeff was asking me about dating multiple people. I mean, why not? I enjoy both of the guys immensely and they are both very dear to me right now. Why should I have to choose if I’m not asked to? I think the way I see it is – well – to illustrate it best was when Richard asked me ‘what I wanted… what I was looking for…’ What do I want? The time and money to produce my art(s). What am I looking for? Long periods of uninterrupted creative play time. I don’t even think about having a soliatry boyfriend right now. If it ends up like that then fine. But I don’t feel this blinding urge to commit my life to one person. I guess I’m just self-focused. I’ve committed my life to my self. I’m my own daddy, daddio.

The show I’m working on now has an insane rehearsal schedule. I just think it is nutty to rehearse actors past four hours. We rehearsed from 2-7pm yesterday. At least there was the admission that perhaps we might be over-rehearsing. I usually rehease actors for three to three and a half hours – but if you push it to four that last half hour is for shit. And even more importantly is this is the same actors for five hours – the show’s plots aren’t big enough to give entire sets of actors a break. Maybe I’m just a whiner. Well shit. We already knew that.