Fred the Webmate: Virtual veal.
Realized last night after rehearsal that I haven’t been praising the actors. It is very important to this as part of the creative process. Part of the problem is I’ve worked with most of them for so long that I totally trust and enjoy what they are doing. I have felt very different directing this show – I was talking to Matt about this – I feel like I’ve been less involved than I would be if I’d written the show. This is really Karen’s baby – I’m a midwife – I want to keep the focus on her for this. I defer to her many times through rehearsals for guidance and answers and suggestions. I’ve been more of a faciliator than anything with this production. I feel guilty not being my normal theatre-rebel self but Matt was suggesting that maybe this is part of my developing unconscious competence. I think he’s right. I can look at a scene and instinctively know what’s right or wrong with it – where the kinks are in the rhythm. I don’t know if I could teach it – it is like my whole body responds to the vibrations of the play and can sense where there is energy blockage or untapped opportunity. It is exciting – but scary. I’m a very intuitive person – more so than most people would ever guess. I have a very keen analytical side but I always seem to be awash in the emotions and energies and vibrations of things and people around me. Like being overcome with grief on the bus on Monday. I felt like I was an empath for the whole world. I was letting timeless grief flow through me. Wow.
Critical Moment: Last night I was over at Karen’s and she was playing with Cressida, her dog. I guess she forgot that I was present and their play turned very goo-goo-gah-gah and suddenly Karen was cooing ‘Who’s a puppy?! Who’s a puppy?!” Then she said (and this is an exact quote): “Too much lovin’! Too much lovin’ for the puppy in the oven!” Then Karen realized there was another human watching and we both burst into laughter.
This morning I was overwhelmed by emotion on the bus. I’m thinking it was from an early morning Tori Amos binge. But I found myself upset on the bus and grieving. I wept slowly – let the tears seep out so as not to be noticed and took sips of my despair. I was just struck at how hard it is to live in this world.
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