tuesday, july 17

If you want something done, ask a busy person. That’s the saying and it is totally true today. It is sorta amazing how much I’ve been able to get done in the past six hours. I have requests and emails and voicemails and errands flyign at me from all directions and I’m gracefully in the fray performing at peak functioning, doling out solutions, documents, deliverables, support, accesses and suggestions at light speed. It is thrilling to some degree. But at the same time I remember my addiction to this kind of ‘being needed’-ness. It is great to be the lynchpin in so many projects. But that just means it’s harder for me to take vacation – people expect too much of me – I have iotas of small but crucial invovlement in dozens of projects. It is great to be needed but it is terrible to be consumed. I need a day off. Maybe Thursday. We’ll see. I keep saying that. I was going to take today off after yesterday – but yesterday didn’t turn out as bad as I thought it would. Friday was hellish and it turns out the project I burned my adrenal glands out on didn’t even get deployed. Fuckers. Motherfuckers. I knew it. I said: ‘Who reads emails send on Friday afternoons?’ NO ONE.

Had dinner with my girlfriend from pre-school. Maria and I used to hold hands and walk to kindergarten together. We remained friends all through high school. Maria revealed events happening in high school that I barely knew about and didn’t know how important I was in supporting her through all of these trials. You never know who you’re supporting I guess. Maria looks the same – a little bigger – she’s had two kids. But her face is the same as it was 23 years ago. She’s got a husband who I think looks a little like me. She’s totally different but totally the same. As am I, I’m sure. She was surprised at the ‘big news’ since I was always so interested in girls. And impressed at the transformation I’ve made since high school and said she reminded me of Brian, guy we went to high school with – the big man on campus. It was a great compliment (as the opening bars of Marylin Manson’s “The Beautiful People” starts in the back of my head).

Tonight I’m hoping to block episodes one and two so we can start working on the acting next week. It’s gonna be a tight process but lots of fun. I think since it is so intense it forces you to stop struggling and just give in to the process. I’m totally directing from the hip.






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