Stasis

I just realized I hadn’t taken Zoloft in over a week. Which might explain my huge headache today. That coupled with the dour, dark weather. It’s not even five yet and it looks like eleven. I just ate a chocolate bar smeared with peanut butter. That should’ve been the clue. Usually when I’m eating mass amounts of sugar for no particular reason that’s a tip-off.

Went shopping downtown with Ron and his friend Gilbert. Not as many people as I was suspecting – probably put off by the rain. Got some shirts at H & M. Severely disappointed in all the clothes I’m seeing lately. I feel like Elaine when she sits next to Jerry at the funeral and says:

You know I really hate my clothes. I open up my closet, there’s just nothing. Nothing. I hate everything I have, I really hate it.

And I think I’m cheap. I just can’t fathom paying $125 for a pair of jeans. Or rather, I can’t stand paying $125 for a $5 pair of jeans. I think it’s insane. To pay that much money to support an advertising budget and the salaries of unoriginal, undeserving executives (does anyone else think the whole FCUK brand is as tired as I do? I think they should change it to FAGGTO or PUSYS or CUTN).I can’t believe there are coats at Bloomingdales that cost $800. And these aren’t leather either – their Gore-tex. A month’s rent for a frigging winter coat. I need all new workout clothes – all the stuff I have is worn out and thrown out. Same with khakis and jeans and at least three new pairs of casual-ish shoes. And sweaters. I’m tired of the hoodie-thing Ron has me on. I think it looks slovenly. The whole ‘on the way to a workout’ motif I just find tiresome.

I should have suspected that my hypersensitivity at being home amongst my familiars and my hyper-reactiveness right now should have told me immediately that this could be anti-depressant related.

Picking up a new bottle at Walgreens in half-hour.

Plus, I’m pissed that Sweeney Todd – which I’d been telling Ron for the past 2 months that I wanted to go see is sold out. That just really fucking pisses me off. And it’s not Ron’s fault. I should stop waiting for him to decide he wants to do something. His indecisiveness sometimes drives me absolutely insane. Like today – I came over expecting us to go to the gym and then before I know it we’re downtown shopping and I’m freezing my nuts off in my exercise pants because the decision to not go to the gym but go shopping wasn’t in English so I wasn’t appraised of the situation. I reassured Ron that I would never take him to a play or something I didn’t think he’d like. We kept putting it off… putting it off. I’m tired of putting things off. Sometimes I feel like I put everything off – which I think is just my impatient side that is always active and unsatisfied with the results of everything.

And it drives me batty that it takes so long for each episode of Half-Life 2 to load.

Good lord I’m crabby. We’ll pretend my evil twin is blogging right now. So there you have it: cheap, hungry, crabby, withdrawing and generally un-peppy.

Surely to change in the next 12 hours.