Shpring Cleeneen

I sometimes wonder how people that work at Fox News Chicago can sleep at night considering the everlasting network handjob their news broadcasts are. Thank God American Shithole is over – every night, Fox news would furiously masturbate the daily events as they unfolded. It became a self-supplying, closed system – we find the contestants and exploit them for their talents, unmask their faults (and criminal histories) and then crucify them on national television, all the while shoe-horning those bulletins in between the latest ‘Lone Black Man’ violence alerts. I guess I’d feel better if I could get other newschannels besides Fox. And another thing – someone needs to hear those asshats a voice coach. ‘Tomorrow expect some more SHtorms.’ ‘He died of a SHtroke.’ ‘neighbors reported a SHtrange smell.’ That and the weekened weatherman is one heartbeat away from stroking out right there on camera (reminds me of watching Mike Wallace decay on 60 Minutes) and Walter Jacobsen seems hellbent on terrorizing the municipality with his over-hyped Woody Allen broadcasts. And they are always hyping up any movies Fox seems to be releasing for the coming weekend.

Ron’s buddies are in for a week – so I spent the weekend with them and am glad to be home alone for tonight and not going out.

The final episode of 24 was pretty tight. You could take one episode of that series and it would have more plot points and twists and turns than some movies. The obsessed fans at TelevisionWithOutPity were overjoyed to see the comeback of super-nude plane jumping lesbian Mandy in the last sixty seconds of the final episode. I keep wondering if they are going to make the third season a continuation of the second season. The ending seemed too good to just say ‘six months later’ and start another twenty-four hours. Ron and I were squirming in our seats as usual. I think we might watch the first and second seasons back to back this summer. That’d be so awesome!

I almost got hit by a car last night. Ron and I were walking home across Belmont on Halsted. The light turned green. The sign turned to the white walking guy. We start walking. An oncoming car is turning left and doesn’t slow into the turn to wait for us. Scared the shit out of me. I was ready to jump on the windshield. Certainly woke me up. Shit. She woman was calling out ‘Oh my God! I’m so sorry! Are you alright! I’m so sorry!’ I just kept walking. I’ve still got shins. Ron was smart and flash-memorized the license plate of the car.

I stretched out my feet as instructed before getting up this morning and it seemed to do the trick. My heel didn’t hurt very much at all.

A new report has come out saying that Chicago drivers are assholes. I’m so surprised. People here drive like idiots. They don’t slow down for pedestrians. I thought this before the near accident last night.

Ron and friends and I went to the bathhouse last night. It was packed. There is so much money made in that neighborhood any time there’s a big event like IML. I liken the bathhouse to a mall – annoying slow moving white people. Only in this case they’re just wearing towels. Eeek. I get so bored there so easily. I did like just sitting in the hot tub people watching. At one point garish flourescent lights went on and the music stopped. ‘Attention Gentlemen, the Chicago Police Department is here to do a routine inspection. If you have a room we ask you to go there and close the door. Otherwise please proceed to the locker room and remain there until otherwise instructed.’ It was like cockroaches under light. Many people threw their clothes on and exited the building – leaving their IDs and valuables in the lockboxes. We stood there for about 15 minutes. I told Ron there was not a stiff dick in the whole building – nobody was talking or anything. Probably a safety inspection – super-big after the E2 nightlub fire disaster. They left. Ron and I soon after.

_____’s marriage finally imploded this week when her husband told her he’d slept with someone else and made out with one of her best friends. They were planning on returning home to live with their parents for a few months before moving on and having a separation period to sort out their already rocky marriage. But it’s all gone now – she’s filing for divorce in the coming week. Saw her today and she’d gone to Ulta to get new hair and skin care products to presumably recreate her self and defoliate the week’s events.

The hazing case up here is just totally insane. I still don’t understand what the school board has to do with any of this (this was not a school function) these kids should be turned over to the police. Fuck ’em. If they were black or latino kids they would have been thrown in jail no question. But since it’s rich white kids – and girls – there is so much pause given. crazy. Kids everyday do this kind of bullshit on the south side as a gang rite every weekend and no one says dick.

Yay – summer’s coming which means one thing – West Nile virus. The news is already trumpeting another summer of terror. I can’t wait until there’s a SARS case on this side of the border. People will freak the hell out.

I love the IBM commercials with the cubicle-drones in therapy. The one where the woman is in a meeting floating in the ocean and screams ‘IS ANYBODY LISTENING TO ME!!’ is me in meetings.

‘Cuz I’m your lady…’

‘Oh baby baby just give me one more chance…’

‘Since the day I met yoooo…’

I’m so programmed.






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