monday, april 2

It has been a very strange past few weeks. I am living a life that is a cross between The Talented Mr. Ripley and Fight Club. It seems that I’ve been celebrating April Fool’s Year for the past twelve months as one of my closest ‘friend’-ships disintegrates into a tangled geometry of lies and manipulations. On one hand I feel so stupid and gullible for believing the fiction I’ve been supporting and on the other utter contempt for the perpetrator of such delusion. You really can’t trust many people in this world. That’s what I seem to re-learn ever couple of months. And this is the ultimate reminder of that fact. There are maybe four people (along with my parents and sister) that I trust fully: emotionally, creatively and financially. I have been party to a sociopathic, self-destructive, crazymaking compulsive liar. And not just lying about things to get out of responsibility or accountability – the creation of a false identity. The structuring of a ‘better self’. At the end of the day it is ultimately saddest that this person feels that they can’t be loved unless they create this plastic facade. That their true self is not worthy of affection or attention from others. And at the end of my day I was persuaded by this faux sense of glamour and priviledge – that this friendship fed my need to intrigue and distraction. I’ve gone from rage to frustration to anxiety to coldly taking care of business. The signs were there. They were plain as day. And I was blind. Everybody out there: GET A LAWYER. For everything you do. That’s my advice.