Transcript of Jon Stewart on The O’Reilly Factor: (via Mofi via Wonkette)
O’REILLY: You actually have an influence on this presidential election. That is scary.
STEWART: If that were so, that would be quite frightening.
O’REILLY: But it is. It’s true. I mean, you’ve got stoned slackers watching your dopey show every night, OK, and they can vote.
O’REILLY: You can’t stop them.
STEWART: Yeah, I just don’t know how motivated they would be, these stoned slackers.
O’REILLY: Yeah, it just depends if they have to go out that day.
STEWART: What am I, a Cheech and Chong movie? Stoned slackers?
O’REILLY: Come on, you do the research, you know the research on your program.
STEWART: No, we don’t.
O’REILLY: Eighty-seven percent are intoxicated when they watch it. You didn’t see that?
STEWART: No, I didn’t realize that.
O’REILLY: Yeah, we have that there.
STEWART: We come on right after, I believe, puppets that make crank calls…
STEWART: … so we are, I think, the appropriate follow up…
O’REILLY: Yeah, and that’s a great lead-in for you.
STEWART: It’s a wonderful show, by the way.
O’REILLY: Puppets can’t vote, but these dopey kids who watch you can.
STEWART: They actually can — in Florida, they can.
O’REILLY: Puppets can vote in Florida.
STEWART: As long as they vote Republican.
O’REILLY: And they haven’t committed a felony.
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