In our quest to find gay films that might possible be arousing and entertaining (without being too pornographic), Ron and I stumbled on Locked Up, a German prison film (originally titled Gefangen).
What the hell kinds of prisons to they have in Germany? These guys have wine and chairs and furniture and magazines and pickles and chocolates in their cells… though they remain relegated to drinking Sanka.
A young guy is thrown in the slammer for credit card fraud and must spend 2 years in Cell Block C with a host of other over-horny, same-gender loving guys. All of whom just happen to be over-tanned and freshly waxed. Young guy falls for a man in Cell Block E – a guy with the temerity to have a Nike swoosh tattooed on his chest.
A mild 3 minutes total of actual arousing content. And it wouldn’t have had to be pornographic – just something that was entertaining. I though Crash was much more erotic than this. This was no German Oz like the box said.
The best line ever was when Kevin, the punk that is involved in a strange bukakke-with-spit sequence, tells Herr Tormann that prison assault isn’t that bad:
You are not your ass.
I immediately covered my mouth to withold laughing, waiting for Ron’s commentary. Which came soon after:
You know, honey, you are not your ass, okay? Your ass is like – over here – and you are over there. Okay? You are not your ass. Yeah.
We cackled madly.
He still sleeping as I write this – I can tell he is sleeping deeply because when I ask him what time he wants to get up he answers in Tagalog.
I told Ron we should start producing movies. We could so do a much better job than this. All I need is a DV cam and a couple more hard drives, right?