COVID-19 Blues

This is not the dystopia we were promised.

All talk of robots and AI taking over but it’s a bushmeat virus that brings the entire world to a standstill.

Since movies always have to have an amped-up crisis, it’s usually a superflu that burns through the population with great speed with few survivors left and society ripping apart at the seams.

This virus is fatal enough to require advanced medical care some of the time and contagious enough that what first felt like a global inconvenience has pushed us all into our homes to wait it out. And it’s effects arbitrary enough to keep everyone in a nice slowburn of panic. Like the Angel of Death stalking through the cities and suburbs. Don’t let them inside.

I think the one thing the movie “Contagion” gets right is the intimacy of this type of event. Not a lot of rioting or mass panic scenes. Just peopel stuck in their homes alone, waiting it out, tethered to the internet and glued to the TV. Researchers stuck in meeting rooms trying to figure things out. Patients and doctors stuck in ICUs trying to modulate the crisis. We might all be in this together, but we’re all isolated in the meantime.

Our evenings are dedicated to FaceTime-ing with friends. Taught my dad how to use Zoom yesterday. My sister and I figured out how to get everybody on a Facebook video call.

I’m mostly worried for my parents and their generation. But we know nearly a dozen people that have had it so far. One who is in an ICU in an induced coma on a ventilator for almost two weeks. My age. Recovery will be slow but I can’t imagine how it will be to wake up and things have gotten even worse than they were when you were put under.

I think what is most maddening is the complete uncertaintly of the future.

If you think about it too long you lose your mind. You think oh this industry over here is fucked… and so is this business sector over here… and wow I didn’t think about how fucked this group of people is… you can’t function.

I don’t know how we get out of this. I don’t know how we keep families and businesses afoat. I don’t know how things get back to any sense of normalcy.

Resistance bands still on order on eBay. The seller had a 99.8% positive rating. Ordered on the 21st. Was supposed to be here yesterday. No notice that it’s even been shipped. We sat on ordering bands as this all started happening. We should have jumped on it immediately. Didn’t want to order anythign heavy since we’re movign in a few months.

People ask me if we are still planning to move to Chicago. With Ron facing reduced hours, now is the time to cut our rent and expenses by half by leaving San Francsico and moving to Chicago. I hope my job is safe. I think it is. You never know.

Hard to focus at work. Trying to frame it as “a break from the crisis” to focus on something like work. I don’t know.

Published by Andy

Gay Hoosier Taurus INFJ ex-playwright pianist gymbunny published author in San Francisco.