Category: Religion

  • Rapture Ready SysAdmins Assume They'll Be Rapt

    For just $40 a year, believers can arrange for up to 62 people to get a final message exactly six days after the Rapture, that day when — according to Christian end times dogma — Christians will be swept up to heaven, while doubters are left behind to suffer seven years of Tribulation under a […]

  • 50 Go Blind Staring at Sun Looking for Virgin Mary

    Darwinism in action: At least 50 people in Kottayam district have reportedly lost their vision after gazing at the sun looking for an image of Virgin Mary. Though alarmed health authorities have installed a signboard to counter the rumour that a solar image of Virgin Mary appeared to the believers, curious onlookers, including foreign travellers, […]

  • Pope's Mistress Hid His Dead Body, Looted the Palace

    Via Wikipedia: Olimpia Maidalchini was notorious for guarding access to Innocent X, and utilizing it to her own financial benefit. In fact, after the death of Innocent X, Maidalchini removed treasures from the papal palace for three days, while the pontiff’s body was hidden in a corner.

  • Pope Sets Up Exorcism Squads to Combat Satanism

    Why oh why does our current Pope have to look so un-venerable? That hawkish glare is really unsettling. I’m glad I was able to enjoy the reign of Pope John Paul II who always seemed so kind and caring and relaxed. The Pope has ordered his bishops to set up exorcism squads to tackle the […]

  • James Dobson Confirms Pro-Life Ultimatum

    Theocracy here we come! After two hours of deliberation, we voted on a resolution that can be summarized as follows: If neither of the two major political parties nominates an individual who pledges himself or herself to the sanctity of human life, we will join others in voting for a minor-party candidate. Those agreeing with […]

  • Honor Killing: German Man Stabbed Wife to Death, Set Her On Fire

    On trial in Munich: “I don’t regret that I killed my wife.” He would do it again. She would have earned it. And above all the politics of the Federal Republic of Germany are also guilty of her death. Why: “Because the women here have so many rights, they become immodest”…. The crime of the […]

  • Pope to Condi Rice: 'Suck It'

    Everybody’s favorite Nazi-pope told everybody’s favorite frustrated pianist: Pope Benedict XVI refused a meeting request from Condoleezza Rice to meet this past August and discuss issues pertaining to Iraq and the Middle East in general. The first reason is that back in March 2003 — just before the Iraq war began — Rice met with […]

  • Sir Ian McKellen Versus the Gideon Bible

    He tears out that one special page: In a profile by John Lahr, Ian McKellen, confesses that part of his agenda as an openly gay famous person is ripping the page with Leviticus 20:13 out of the Bible whenever his hotel room comes Scripture-equipped. “It’s the one thing I find difficult to defend but do […]

  • For 50 Years, Mother Theresa Felt No God

    From an upcoming book of correspondence between Mother Theresa and her superiors: The letters, many of them preserved against her wishes (she had requested that they be destroyed but was overruled by her church), reveal that for the last nearly half-century of her life she felt no presence of God whatsoever — or, as the […]

  • Chicago Priest Gave Church Money to Married Louisville Male Stripper

    I love it when a story spans my hometown area and my current bilocation: Sorvillo — who pleaded guilty Friday to stealing nearly $200,000 from St. Margaret Mary parish on the North Side — gave cars, plane tickets and thousands of dollars in cash to James Sosnicki, a married Louisville man who stripped frequently at […]