Andymatic

Category: Chicago

  • Chicago Cat Detects Carbon Monoxide, Saves Owners

    At the end of last month, their water pump caused a build up of the odorless gas, carbon monoxide. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s deadly and can wreak some serious havoc in a very short amount of time. Either Winnie has been reading wikipedia, or she’s just got that animal instinct for life […]

  • Teenager Runs Brothel in Chicago Burbs

    [A] teenager in the western suburb of Berkeley was arrested Thursday for running a house of ill repute. Kimberley Peterson, 17, allegedly put up posts on Craigslist advertising “beautiful blondes” for a fee of $250. Apparently the business runs in the family: Peterson’s mother was arrested last year for running prostitution services out of a […]

  • Chicago Archidocese to Abuse Vicims: Stop Suing Us

    The Chicago archdiocese is trying to stop a measure designed to help victims of childhood sexual abuse. The bill allows abuse victims to sue those who harmed them — even decades after the fact. Protests from church leaders prompted state lawmakers to gut the measure, and now legislators are now working on a compromise bill.

  • 3rd Videotape of Chicago Police Bar Beating Surfaces

    Sweet jesus: For the third time this year, surveillance videotape has surfaced of an off-duty Chicago police officer involved in a bar fight, authorities said. The latest incident became public one day after Police Superintendent Philip J. Cline announced he would retire early. The department has been struggling with the fallout from the previous tapes […]

  • Laura Bush Advocates for Non-Violence

    I heard she actually vomited blood as she spoke: Mrs. Bush made her comments during a violence prevention summit in Chicago. She said when young people have jobs, it gives them the self-respect to stay out of gangs. “Local businesses provided hundreds of CeaseFire clients with meaningful employment. One CeaseFire outreach worker, Xavier, said that […]

  • Lincoln Park Trixie Model

    Jake writes: Girl standing on the bus a few people away from me: “I have a modeling job tonight, and as soon as I’m done modeling I’m gonna have to walk home from my modeling job in the clothes I modeled in. DID EVERYONE HEAR THAT? I’M A MODEL.” (Words in caps may or may […]

  • Chicago Parents Say That Fellatio Begins At Home

    Holy hymens, Batman! A teacher out in the burbs had the nerve to teach sex ed and suggest that maybe – just maybe – genitals go other places besides other monogamous child-making one-ping-only genitals: “How to penetrate the vagina, ejaculation and stuff like that,” Hampton said of the materials. “I think the parents felt it […]

  • Ron's Laptop Was Stolen After All

    And it is Monday. Kitty here on the bed sleeping already – he is worn out from a night of sleeping. Ron isn’t crazy. He ran into a neighbor who said his laptop had been stolen out of his locked apartment. So Ron did have his laptop with him on his flight home and did […]

  • Regulation of Braiders and Lockticians Opens Up Rift in Illinois

    As black hair trends turned from relaxed and straightened back to more natural, the cosmetology industry, miffed at revenue lost to braiders and dread lock lockticians helped push through legislation in 2001 that made the ancient art of braids and dreadlocks requiring a 1500 hour cosmetology license. Back when I used to party all night, […]

  • 7 Gay Mexicans Walk Into a Bar

    Or rather, into Chipotle. I was walking up Broadway and was waiting for the light at Broadway and Belmont to change. Two guys walk out of the Chipotle – they had on St. Louis jerseys (this was the day the Cubs played St. Louis) and yell at me: There’s seven gay Mexicans in there. What […]