Bomb the Suburbs

Went to a party at Matt’s new apartment in Wicker Park. A 125-year old 2 floor with 3 apartment units in it. A great vintage apartment decked out in his usual decor… part-Goth, part-strange and all of his stage combat weapons on display along the walls. His belle Liz lives with him and a friend shares the second bedroom.

I hate when I first meet people and part of me says I know you. I’ve met people like you and I know exactly who you are. But then sometimes I’m sorta right.

There was a gal there that I got in a brief argument with. I mentioned that I thought the suburbs in Chicago were pretty similar to the suburbs in Indiana and that if I was going to move to the burbs in Chicago I might as well move back home to Southern Indiana and have the same general experience with my family nearby. She went off on me that she’d lived in Bloomington and the suburbs in Indiana were definitely different than in Chicago. First of all, Bloomington is not a suburb – it’s a college town – pretty much a hip/hippie basketball-crazy town – diverse in thought but not in ethnographics. I know because I used to go there every summer for an arts fair with mom and dad and my sister. She defied me, insisting that in Chicago suburbs there’s Gucci at the malls and in Indiana it’s like Kohl’s and shit (Ron wished he was able to be there so he could retort: Can you afford to shop at Gucci?). I shot Liz a look like is she serious? Then the gal started saying that it’s like how people in Buffalo hate people in New York City and vice versa and oh my God you just have to watch Da Ali G Show and oh my God Monday is my birthday. She said that last part twice. Then there was Do you know any people from Cleveland because it just seems like none of them talk in complete sentences. Once she confessed that she lived in Arlington Heights, things made a lot more sense.

She also had a very short skirt. As Brigitte, Dan and I got back in the car to drive home Brigitte sighed:

If I had to look at her cooter one more minute, I thought I was going to lose my mind.

She definitely needed some panty patrol.






3 responses to “Bomb the Suburbs”

  1. Rick Avatar

    Lord. If it’s not these trashy bitches from the burbs, its these tweaked out twinks in the city. Do they not realize we can see all of God’s creations when they wear that crap? Do they also not realize that we don’t WANT to see that?

    Oh well, if they didn’t do it, we’d have nothing to gossip about. 🙂

  2. andrew Avatar

    I would guess she probably liked you and was being outrageous to get your attention.

  3. palochi Avatar

    Three points:

    1. “Oh my god!”
    2. Arlington Heights
    3. Cooter

    Enough said.

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