While I was working out today I meditated on _____’s situation… here’s what
Sell the car. He doesn’t need to be paying a car payment or the insurance.
Sell everything he can on Ebay – stereo, TV, CDs. I know this is extreme. He
needs to understand that he’ll have to sacrifice ‘the lifestyle’ for a few
months. Hell – get him erect and sell his underwear online. He needs to
commodify whatever assets/skills he has.
Move to Chicago.
Live with a friend for one weekend. Rent a storage space for him to move his
stuff. Buy a PO Box. His move out of home should be quick and sudden and
clean. He moves his stuff out. Preferably when his parents aren’t there. He
changes the addresses of all of his bills to a PO Box. He routes his
personal mail to that PO Box as well. He should calmly and quietly.
Go to at least four temp agencies in the city and interview with them and
get tested on his office skills.
Interview now for a retail Christmas-time job on the weekends. Surely _____
would fit in at one of the trendy gayboi stores.
Find a room-mate to live with for one month at least – one of his raverboi
friends or someone off gay.com.
Stop smoking. He doesn’t need to be spending his last dime on cigs.
No drugs until he’s back on his feet. He won’t deal with all this shit until
he deals with it with a clear head and again shouldn’t be spending money on
Seek counseling at Howard Brown. The least he could get is free group
counseling for other guys his age going through family estrangement. I’ll
ask R______ if Northwestern has outreach for guys like him. I think his way
in (out?) is through his emotional state. If he can get some healing there
then everything else will fall into place.
He should time this all well before Thanksgiving – or he’ll forever color
that holiday with his leaving his parents.
You need to get him over the mourning stage of where he’s at and get him to
take initiative. Tenacity is the word I keep coming back to for today – for
all of us.
The way I look at it – if he needed a dime bag or a hit of X he’d claw until
he got it. He needs to treat his own life with that much of importance. That
is a gross generalization of _____ – I don’t know him very deeply – but he’s
gotta quit ‘the life’ for a few weeks to have A Life period.
This could all be accomplished relatively quickly if he just jumps in with
The sooner he can pass through the initial trauma of his parents betrayal
the sooner he can start creating his own life.
I’m getting frustrated with all of these guys clogging your life. I’m not
saying _____ is a clog – but M___ definitely was. You have too much to do
without having to support the entire under 21 gay community of Chicago. You
have a night club to open. A railroad to build. Two daughters to integrate
into your life. Plus all your constant business and financial dealings. Plus
your own journey into becoming a better, new and improved Nikolai.
I had an excellent day at work today because I was doing what I’ve been
trained to do or at least what I want to do – web design work. I feel a
great tenacity lately – a need to be relentless and ruthless in pursuing
What I Want and Who I Want To Be. I know the above is very tough on the end
of the toughlove – but I get so sick of these gaybois that lose themselves
in The Life and false glamour. Drives me nuts.
A friend of a friend’s parents accepted his gayness and let him come live at home. Except it was a trap. They’ve now taken over his life and the guy is near suicide. Here was my diagnosis of what the guy should do: