wednesday, december 20

From: Andy
Subject: RE: Well…

Hey Puddingtons. I think I have some kind of African (Asian?) Sleeping Sickness. Maybe I got bit by a tsetse fly. I came home yesterday and slept from 2-5:30 and then from 11:30 to 8 this morning. Maybe my fast living is catching up with me. I’m trying to do a club mix of Naked and Shameless’s underground hit – Lawrence (Head of Lettuce). It’s gonna be called Lawrence (DJ Androo’s Club Mix). Heh heh.

Having dinner with Anthony tonight. That should be a lot of fun. It is sort of nice to have someone on the periphery of your world that you don’t always hang out with but you keep in contact with – he sees things with a little more objectivity than the usual gang. Plus I still have a big-time crush on him.

I think the Richard Issue is pretty simple: I don’t want to admit that I was a fool and that I’m being a surrogate (non-sex) boyfriend when the real McCoy isn’t in town and that pretty much makes me a chump. Should’ve gone with my intuition.

I think the word chump is funny. There’s a computer command in the Perl language called CHOMP that always makes me giggle.

I think other people are just a waste of my time. I get most of my emotional/blah-blah-blah needs met by a close network of wonderful chums. The romantic/sexual side is all that is really missing – and that to me seems like such a small part of the whole pie. Maybe I’m just too selfish and career-focused.

Isn’t chum what they call the fish guts they throw to sharks?

Yeah: I said tsetse fly.

Looking forward to the hen spankings.

From: Karen
Subject: RE: Well…

#1. Don’t say tsetse.
#2. Don’t say Chump. It makes me think of Chub.
#3. Don’t say pie.
#4. The spankings will commence at 4:30. They must be spanked raw, or it
isn’t as fun. If you want to experience it, come early.
#5. You have always slept like a bitch, don’t go making up diseases.
#6. I know…I’m probably not supposed to say raw.

From: Brigitte
Subject: Re: Well…

Greg N******___ has just brought his baby to see us. I feel my maternal
feelings popping up(AAAGUHHH…wrestling noises)………ok they are gone.
Pfshew….that was close.

Did I take my birth control pill this morning? Yes…again good.

Um…chomp…chub…chump…cum….tsetse….itsy…tittie…spank…flank..
.wank

Pretty soon we won’t be able to talk because of all the words we believe to
have dirty connotations.

Andy…you’ve always slept like a whore…what makes you so sure you have a
disease now?

I think we should have a moment of silence for Karen and her obsession to
spank raw meat.

From: Karen
Subject: RE: Well…

It’s not an obsession. It’s just something I do. And if you must know, I
also make them dance and point at my brother.

From: Andy
Subject: RE: Well…

Itsy?

From: Karen
Subject: RE: Well…

Nope. Don’t say that either. Cause if you can say that, then I can say
bitsy, and we all know that is unacceptable.

From: Brigitte
Subject: Re: Well…

Did I stutter?

Itsy…as in “Itsy Bitsy Spider”
He went up a water spout, you know?

From: Brigitte
Subject: Re: Well…

You should video tape your raw bird while Aretha Franklin sings “Respect” in
the backround. That’s comedy.

Does your bird do the funky chicken?

Published by Andy

Gay Hoosier Taurus INFJ ex-playwright pianist gymbunny published author in San Francisco.

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