wednesday, december 20

From: Andy
Subject: RE: Well…

Hey Puddingtons. I think I have some kind of African (Asian?) Sleeping Sickness. Maybe I got bit by a tsetse fly. I came home yesterday and slept from 2-5:30 and then from 11:30 to 8 this morning. Maybe my fast living is catching up with me. I’m trying to do a club mix of Naked and Shameless’s underground hit – Lawrence (Head of Lettuce). It’s gonna be called Lawrence (DJ Androo’s Club Mix). Heh heh.

Having dinner with Anthony tonight. That should be a lot of fun. It is sort of nice to have someone on the periphery of your world that you don’t always hang out with but you keep in contact with – he sees things with a little more objectivity than the usual gang. Plus I still have a big-time crush on him.

I think the Richard Issue is pretty simple: I don’t want to admit that I was a fool and that I’m being a surrogate (non-sex) boyfriend when the real McCoy isn’t in town and that pretty much makes me a chump. Should’ve gone with my intuition.

I think the word chump is funny. There’s a computer command in the Perl language called CHOMP that always makes me giggle.

I think other people are just a waste of my time. I get most of my emotional/blah-blah-blah needs met by a close network of wonderful chums. The romantic/sexual side is all that is really missing – and that to me seems like such a small part of the whole pie. Maybe I’m just too selfish and career-focused.

Isn’t chum what they call the fish guts they throw to sharks?

Yeah: I said tsetse fly.

Looking forward to the hen spankings.

From: Karen
Subject: RE: Well…

#1. Don’t say tsetse.
#2. Don’t say Chump. It makes me think of Chub.
#3. Don’t say pie.
#4. The spankings will commence at 4:30. They must be spanked raw, or it
isn’t as fun. If you want to experience it, come early.
#5. You have always slept like a bitch, don’t go making up diseases.
#6. I know…I’m probably not supposed to say raw.

From: Brigitte
Subject: Re: Well…

Greg N******___ has just brought his baby to see us. I feel my maternal
feelings popping up(AAAGUHHH…wrestling noises)………ok they are gone.
Pfshew….that was close.

Did I take my birth control pill this morning? Yes…again good.

Um…chomp…chub…chump…cum….tsetse….itsy…tittie…spank…flank..
.wank

Pretty soon we won’t be able to talk because of all the words we believe to
have dirty connotations.

Andy…you’ve always slept like a whore…what makes you so sure you have a
disease now?

I think we should have a moment of silence for Karen and her obsession to
spank raw meat.

From: Karen
Subject: RE: Well…

It’s not an obsession. It’s just something I do. And if you must know, I
also make them dance and point at my brother.

From: Andy
Subject: RE: Well…

Itsy?

From: Karen
Subject: RE: Well…

Nope. Don’t say that either. Cause if you can say that, then I can say
bitsy, and we all know that is unacceptable.

From: Brigitte
Subject: Re: Well…

Did I stutter?

Itsy…as in “Itsy Bitsy Spider”
He went up a water spout, you know?

From: Brigitte
Subject: Re: Well…

You should video tape your raw bird while Aretha Franklin sings “Respect” in
the backround. That’s comedy.

Does your bird do the funky chicken?