thursday, september 21

I was telling my friend Matt some interesting stuff about today – he’s a specialist in vocal production and performance. I’ve always known that my vocal tract and emotional state are heavily intertwined. When I was a kid, intead of throwing a fit I’d just hold my breath until I fainted. So I think that has developed in my adult life with the fact that whenever I get emotional about anything my first instinct is to supress it and not give breath to what I’m saying. So in the taxi on the way to the interview I’m deep breathing and trying to relax. I walk in to the agency and my voice is gone. It is locked in the back of my throat so I have to consciously try to move my vocal production back to my teeth. I start to sweat. I try to just relax in my setting and focus on listening holistically to the guy I was talking to and focusing on him instead of on myself. I start to chill eventually. I get out of the interview and for the rest of the day my throat is swollen and the canker sores I had from being sick a few weeks ago inflame back into existence. It is like I have this total vocal arrest. Of course it is psychosomatic but it is pretty goddamn freaky. It is like when I talk too fast all the time. Part of the time I just have so much that I want to say that I can’t get my mouth to articulate it fast enough – the other part of the time I feel like what I’m saying isn’t important enough to merit people listening. So that’s a little look into tortured psycho. K!