thursday, november 2

I’m trying out the Palm keyboard on the bus this morning. I forgot to bring a good pen with me so I wasn’t able to write in myu journal so I listened to a little music first and then tried to take a nap on othe way in but that didn’t work so I though I’d try this baby out – i really like it a lot. I feel very melancholy this morning – I was listening to Tori Amos a fwe minutes ago – that always makes me sad. Pretty Good Year is such a cry song. Ended up not going to Spin last night becasue Nick got wrapped up in installing his new hard drive at home – he didn’t call me until quarter to eleven so we ended up not going out. RoOde the train home with Erik and we hung out and took a nap… I really love this keyboard – i’m going to write on it on the way to te airport this afternoon to go pick up mom. Erik is so funny and that is what is so endearing about him. Richard might have gone to Spin last night – not sure – he said he might stop by. ___ was telling me about all the drugs and drinking he did this weekend. My life always seems so boring compared to every body elses. I didn’t grow up in New York (Nick, Richard) or in the ghetto (Richard, Erik). I feel like my life is so boring and lame. I dunno. The life is always better in someone else’s story. Apologies to Chess. I just feel like I’m not living lately – but I am – I’m doing lots of stuff I’ve never done before – maybe I’m just too comfortable – i don’t know. It is strange. I feel like I’m stuck again. I had such good days on Monday and Tuesday and I’m not sure why. Found out that Jeff, the temp working with Josie and Pat is a artist type taking video classes at the Institute of Fashion Merchandising and design. I really like this keyboard. I feel it makes me Palm more like a laptop so I can use it for more things. Like writing. I could write and entire play on this thing couldn’t I? There is just so much to do these days. It is stunning. Gonna be glad to get the Eclipse show open and out of the way – then I need to really focus on getting all of the web design jobs I’ve got open done. Need to finish Nick’s site and then do the redesign of (a site) for Missy. I installed a message board for s________. It is gonna be really cool and hopefullycontroversial that I’ve got every talent agency and theatre company in the city listed there and people can rate and gossip about them. I wonderful if that will be useful to people. We’ll see. I kieep trying to make the site be as maintennance free as possible so I don’t have to be on it everyday. Once a week is pretty good for maintennance. I did clicktease through the end fo the weekend since mom is going to be in town. I love this keyboard! Yay for my new toy! Erik is moving down to the loop in December – he is so precocious. I think he’ll be back on the north side by summer. Emailed Eric D very briefly about some picture work. We’ll see if he is interested. I just feel like i’m hiding myself lately for fear of appearing too fey or too nerdy or whatever. I dunno. It is confusing. Should I just go roll some X and be done with it? I have never met anybody that says at 40 – I’m really glad I took all those drugs in my 20s. Looking at that GHB stuff which I know I could get at GNC – and I don’t know. What am I doing? What am I trying to prove? What is it all about? I need serious Karen time. We need to hammer it out and figure it out. I so have to get _____ up and running ASAP for the holiday giving season. Mom and dad will totally freak.

Sitting on the train on the way to go pick mom up – I totally love this thing. I just like the idea of being able to just type away and have it all contained in such a small device. Like it said on an Amazon review – make your Palm into more than just a toy. And now if I can consolidate my email so I can get it all off one account then I can configure my Palm to be even more usefule to me – if I can run my websites from here that would even be more the bomb. Shouldn’t be too hard – just gotta figure out how to get the modem attached and working. Just ot my haircut with Lisa. Brigitte called – Beth had called and this girl at Wright State died of a ecstasy overdose last weekend. That is so terrible. And just this weekend I was writing about making my life more exciting with pharmaceuticals. Sometimes God send you the message in big ways. And you better fucking pay attention. Wow. Is all I can say. That gets me back to my argument of can you live fully without living recklessly? Is it possible to take risks and live on the edge with out puting your self in harm’s way? Maybe it is really more of putting your health in harm’s way that is the biggest thing. I mean your reputation or your heart or your confidence can always be renewed – but once you’re dead you’re dead end of story. I installed the Sims today at work and had a pretty good family going for a while. Then they both had to get jobs to be able to function and pay the bills. That game is harder than it appears. I’m trying to get Bob to read all the cooking books he can and I’m trying to get Betty to study mechanics and then the only job I can get Bob is one as a military recruiter – Betty got some shit ass job – can’t remember what it is – I had to save the game before she left for work so I could get on the train. I like how I can have it running in the background. That will be a fun game to play while I’m waiting for stuff to load or for a phone call. I love this so much. Having my thought and journals encompassed in such a small package really appeals to me. I want to make my Palm V and my cellph the most powerfull tools I own. If I can get the browser to work on here and then be able to dial in to check clicktease stats or stuff like that that would rock. Plus I was reading this morning about porting WAP apps – I can’t wait to get my auditions wireless going – that is going to be really fun. Really looking forward to that. And people can get it on AvantGo for their handheld computers as well. I have this sneaking suspicion that Erik and I are just going to be friends. But the crazy thing is is that there is no rush to define what we are or to graduate to new levels of closeness and stuff. We don’t have to decide what we are and what we mean to eachother. I had lunch with Jeff and Nick – Jeff just strikes me as being very coarse. I think I was having an economic reaction to them together as well – they are both affluent.