Sumthin's Up

Something is up with Ron and he won’t tell me what it is. I’m guessing it’s financial. It’s the end of the month and he probably bounced a rent check or some bullshit like that. But it is maddening that he won’t talk to me about it. I can’t walk around in silence. It’s crazy.

I got up and went to the gym and made breakfast and did some computer work and he finally woke up and I said we should go to the beach. He’s all sullen and silent. I pack my backpack and get all ready to go. He sits on the edge of the bed and stares off into space (“paging anti-depressants!”). I say to myself, ‘fuck this bullshit’, and start sorting through mail and bills and stuff. He gets up and and gets dressed and leaves.

He’s had bank problems before and it seems to be the only thing that he won’t talk with me about. Maybe he’s getting evicted or something. What’s nuts is that there’s no correction to behavior when these events happen. There’s no: ‘Oh, I should probably get a real bank with overdraft protection and online banking so this doesn’t happen again.’

We’ve had Friday night silence the past few Fridays where we get up to go out and I can’t tell if he really does or does not want to go out and we end up walking up Halsted or Broadway and not doing anything and I think he’s pulling some passive-agressive bullshit by walking extra slow which he knows drives me through the roof. We end up going to bed and the next things are fine.

Maybe he’s pulling away for other reasons. Part of me has warning lights going off that someone who won’t be intimate in affairs of business is a big-time major obstacle to a long term relationship. Or maybe this will pass once he’s back and working again which will be September 1st.

For now, it’s maddening. Part of the reason to have a boyfriend is for support and someone to talk to about things. Maybe he feels like I’ll have no sympathy and tell him what to do. Maybe he’s right. I can’t sympathize with people that court chaos. There’s no lightbulb going off when he complains about how stubborn his mother is. It’s all very emotionally tiring.