is something about infommercials that I find so hypnotic.
admire the ones that fill me with an insatiable urge to buy – they are so carefully
calibrated to awaken that consumerist craving of I’m an American and goddammit
if there’s one thing that America stands for (besides schizoid foreign policy
and funding pseudo-terrorist organizations) it’s buying shit I don’t need –
GIMME! When we did industrial video training in acting school I loved the
scene I did: a sales-training session for an anti-depressant. I just loved being
abolutely happy over nothing too particular (hmmm… sort of the whole raison
d’?tre for anti-deps, n’est-ce pas?). And so it is with the Scunci
You see, it’s a high-powered – but handheld – steamer that you can use to steam
away all sorts of grime and grit. And it uses no chemicals – just ordinary tap
water. I had had dinner with Brig, _____ and JenOz (_____ was in town for a
subpoena – the guy that mugged/beat her last year was having some sort of hearing).
Anyway, they all had seen the Scunci and we all four secretly coveted having
the power of steam-cleaning in our grubby little mitts. I dream of using it
to attack the grout mold in my shower.
I always picture Alan and Brigitte or Brigitte and I doing these kinds of
commercials in about 20 years. Where I’m the dumb pseudo-husband stand-in and
she’s the wonder-wife to the rescue. Ron and I have actually watched the infommercial
a couple of times (whilst waiting for justice-hottie Judge Hatchett to arrive)
and find the part where she’s in the fake bathroom set and steams off hard water
deposits off the shower door and exclaims ‘Look at this clean! Hello!’ Between
that and the Ronco knives – I have to hide my wallet from myself.
find it as appealing as the one for Proactiv skin care solutions. Does anybody
else find Vanessa
Williams a total MILF? Not to mention the commercials with her and Howie
Long – Ron loves Howie Long and I think secretly hopes I’ll grow into a
meathead as I age. I’m sure if I keep doing shrugs like I have I’ll have no
discernible neck at all by the time I’m 35. Brigitte reports Proactiv works
really well – Karen and I actually witnessed her one night ‘receiving her skin
care’ – sounds like ‘receiving the Holy Spirit’ to me.
So I was at Bed, Bath and Byatches and saw a Scunci knockoff – the Penguin
Steamer. And I thought, well – it’s probably just like the Scunci – only I don’t
have to wait for it to be delivered. So I got it. It sucked. Big time. I filled
it with water and turned it on and waited and pumped and nothing happened. Ron
came over and revealed that I’d filled it too high – you know maybe the line
marking saying ‘MAX’ meant something (yeah, I was an honor student – then again
Ron accidentally pronounce floor lamp as froor ramp last night which
sent us both into a tither of giggles). So we took some water out – it spat
out some steam now and again but nothing to write home about. So I’m taking
that piece of crap back to the store and I’m seriously considering by 3 easy
payments of $19.95 (when are automated payments ever hard?).
I’m hoping it will be like the George Foreman Grill – which I’d laughed about
and made fun of for the longest time – but it turned out to be the one appliance
that go me through my first few years here in Chicago. I’ll report back with