Pie Patrol

A couple days ago Ron had come in for a post-lunch nap while I worked. I started cleaning up this hellhole and throwing stuff away, including a blueberry pie we’d bought at Jewel six days ago. Ron wakes up:

Ron: (yawn, groan, stretch, yawn) Oh… now I just want a piece of that pie.

(pause)

Andy: Um. I threw it out.

Ron: That’s my pie! You threw out my pie!

Andy: It was all gross and mushy. It was six days old. You can’t just leave pie in my apartment for six days and then come back and expect it to be here!

Ron: You threw out my pie! You always throw out things like that.

Andy: Ron. Really. Honey. Let’s go get you a new pie.

Ron: But I wanted that pie. You always do this.

Andy: Well do you want to be right or do you want pie?

I always love to do this in arguments. Many times we just want to be Right.

Ron: I want to be Right. (pause) And have pie.

Andy: Get your shoes on.

As we are going down in the elevator a neighbor asks:

Cute Neighbor Girl: Out for a Friday night?

Andy: No, we had a blueberry pie and I threw it-

Ron: He threw out my pie!

Andy: So we are on pie patrol.

Cute Neighbor Girl: Oh. Good luck with that.

Later on he started singing a version of ‘This is My Life!’ (which is part of our Shirley Bassey medley):

Ron: That was My Pie! And nobody else’s! That was My Pie! And I don’t give a damn!