Pawleys Island Youngster Complete Idiot

We used to go to Pawleys Island, South Carolina every summer for vacation when we were kids. One week at a quiet rustic island. Then there’s the science fair at the local Christian Academy:

[A]n eighth-grade student who won first place in the Life Science/Biology category for his project “Creation Wins!!!,” says he disproved part of the theory of evolution. Using a rolled-up paper towel suspended between two glasses of water with Epsom Salts, the paper towel formed stalactites. He states that the theory that they take millions of years to develop is incorrect. “Scientists say it takes millions of years to form stalactites,” Benson said. “However, in only a couple of hours, I have formed stalactites just by using paper towel and Epsom Salts.”

One thought on “Pawleys Island Youngster Complete Idiot

  1. Terry

    You just don’t get it do you? Reflect for a moment. Brian Benson is a young Genius! He was being *IRONIC*.
    See it from his point of view, you’re 14, you’re bright and lively but your folks have placed your education, (your very future) in the hands of the Pawleys Island Academy for the Gullible. You’ve sat through years of their slack jawed excuses for teaching and you’ve decided your Not Going To Take It Any More! During one particularly eye rolling ‘scyense’ lesson they announce the forthcoming ‘scyense fare’, a carnival of ignorance in which you will be obliged to participate. You’re going under for what you think will be a last time – but then it hits you – WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY! Payback Time! You’ll devise an entry so poor, so mind numbingly, cringingly wack that other like minded kin will see the signal flare and cry ‘High Five Bro’! But entry isn’t good enough for you, no, this baby has to win and win BIG. You’ll guarantee success with a suitably cringing title that no-one but the faithful could mistake for sincerity. As a final nod to those who, (you hope) will *get it*, you submit it to the wrong category.
    See. YOU let him down. You didn’t read the signs and now MR. Benson is left with egg on his face when he should be up there with the heroes. Write his name, now, in the book of achievement. Mr. Benson, I get it, I salute you.

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