My Sister’s Wedding

I don’t think I’ve blogged about my sister’s wedding yet. It is going to be the coolest, most low-stress wedding ever. A brief ceremony led by a Unitarian minister in their backyard and about 20 attendees. No formal wear. No reception - just a grand dinner afterwards. No rehearsal dinner - just a ‘meet and greet’ barbecue. No bachelor party. No honeymoon and most controversial: no gifts. Everyone of course assumes this is them just being passive-aggressive… Come on! You must want something! which is also a CYA mechanism that everyone is worried that all the other guests are assuming same and they’ll be the only ones without a present.

My sister and her beau figure they’ve been living together for long enough that there isn’t any more crap they could possibly pack into their house. In fact, maybe I’ll suggest that instead of us giving them gifts that they make us all take something they don’t want anymore.

Best of all are the rules for the wedding which were enclosed with the invitation:

• Do not refer to Heather as “the Bride.” She may be called the “Former Harlot” or “Honest Woman to Be.” The groom may be reffered to as the “Sugar Daddy.”
• No Whining. Anyone heard whining will be subjected to a 5-minute timeout.
• Anyone caught heckling will be subject to an atomic wedgie.
• All negative comments are banned. You WILL have a good time. Negative comments will require that we write Om on your face with a magic marker and spin you to generate good kharma. After that, you can come back to the party, but you will be closely monitored for any further negativity.