As I write this Brigitte and I are subjecting ourselves to Crossroads.
Yes, starring Britney Spears. And yes, it’s bad. I wish I was recording our comments
as we watch it because it would be hysterical as we alternately enjoy and deride
the movie. Aw, shit – now she’s reading poetry now. Yikes.
Today is Ron’s birthday – he’s 29. Or as he says, ‘I’m turning 27 for the third time.’ Had dinner with another couple at a guy’s house – we all workout at the same time at the gym. A doctor, a lawyer, a student and Ron and I. The host had an amazing house – absolutely stunning. The food was very good – starting with appetizers of a meatball pizza and then one with scallops and then tomato-mozarella and basil salad and the main meal was barbecue pork with wasabi mashed potatoes and steamed snow peapods. Very good. Dessert was grilled peaches with cinnamon a la mode. Constant references to people I don’t know and places I”ve never been and things that I don’t do left me socially flustered. I didn’t feel like I belonged in this upwardly mobile group. When you consider the economic potential of my close close friends – that pales in comparison to the income these guys pull in each year. Tales of wild vacations and circuit parties and afterhours parties left me feeling very out-of-water. It always feeds into this nagging feeling that maybe I’m just not very much fun. They’re all talking about their favorite province and I really don’t have anything to add. And I dno’t even know if I care all tat much – I mean I must have some sort of investment if I feel all hemmed and hawed about it but maybe I just don’t feel like that’s a good time. “Oh, you have to go up to Sawgatauk sometime.” Why? That just makes no practical sense to me. The boys are all so hot. So what? Big deal. That’s something that always stumps me is the constant measuring of attractiveness. Oh my God, did you see so-and-so at such-and-such – he’s so sexy! Big deal. So what. What’s my reaction supposed to be?
And then I turn to my rigth and on the side panel of the bus I’m on there’s a little sticker: You have everything when you have Christ – Colossians 2:10. I can’t even remember who the Colossians are. It’s like how a pearl is formed – I have this irritant and then I keep laying layers of perspective and complexity over it until it’s not a pearl – but a lumpen nut. I just felt like I was back in high school and all the rich kids had all of their trips and toys and I’m simultaneously envious and dismissive – and apathetic.