I’ve been having anxiety attacks

I’ve been having anxiety attacks again and I’m not sure why. I find my face starts to get warm and starts to burn. I flush. I sweat. I worry.

Just got back from dinner at Karen’s with her and Brigitte. We got Giordano’s pizza and watched Judy Berlin, the last movie with Madeline Kahn. Terrible boring as hell movie. It was 90 minutes long and it felt like it lasted two hours. I was mad that this was Madeline’s last flick. Something about her will always be irreplaceable. What a commedienne.

I saw Hal Sparks on Jay Leno. Hal is the guy that used to host Talk Soup and is now on Queer as Folk. He’s one of the guys people sometimes say I remind them of (along with Michael J. Fox). Hearing Leno talk to him about straightness and gayness was just deeply offensive. Jay asking how strange is it to do a love scene with another guy and Hal trying to be all manly and straight buddy-buddy about it. (He mentioned his girlfriend many times) I started thinking what happens if I’m ever in that hot seat. What will I say? Will I go back in the closet if I hit it big? And if I did come out bisexual it would just be a big media blitz and I’d suddenly be known as that bisexual playwright actor guy or as the guy that couldn’t make up his mind or wanted it both ways. I’m having an anxiety attack right now just thinking about it. So if you ever come back to this weblog and it has been sanitized of it’s content you’ll know why.