I’m not really freaked about

I’m not really freaked about being ‘alone’ on Valentine’s Day. Since I’m not. Yeah – I don’t have a significant other but I do have such a loving cadre of wonderful people that enrich my life daily. And we all know that it is really just a ploy for the greeting card companies to sell cards – still can’t believe they invented a holiday called Sweetest Day. Corporate invented holidays? That’s just fucking sick. Anyway I’ve been ‘alone’ on nearly every Valentine’s Day in my 25 years so this one is really No Big Deal.

Been reflecting a lot on the Richard energy and my block in moving past it – in still missing him and feeling weird around him – even though the logical side in me knows all the reasons why it wouldn’t’ve worked. Maybe I’m just thinking with my dick. Still part of me is examining what it is about Richard that threatens me – why I don’t want to be around him sometimes – and the reasons that we continue to go out to ‘catch up’ – what does he show me about myself that I’m scared to confront? That’s what I’ve been rolling around in my head the past couplea days. Whenever I react so absolutely to something or someone I try to step back from that reaction and see what it is I’m not admitting.

Got up early this morning and went running at the gym. Did the quick 20 minute four interval run a la Body for Life. Had a good weights workout yesterday a la Men’s Health (I’m trying out their workout plan for the whole year – or at least trying to commit to it as much as I can at any given time – doing pretty good – need to integate the diet into it – but that’s why Webvan is my daddy tomorrow morning). It felt good to get back to running again – I hadn’t done so in a while. It woke me up and feel ready to as a great doctor once said: Go Take On the Day.

The doctor’s office called yesterday morning wanting to know why I wasn’t ready for surgery – I know I wouldn’t have let them schedule it on February 12th cause of the play – I’d scheduled it for March 12th.

(later) Just got from getting my hair cut. Lisa has lots of boys whose hair she cuts to send to my plays so that’s good. I love getting my haircut – if I could get it cut everyday I would. She noticed that I have this mutant hair that is clear that sometimes grows out of my forehead – has anyone else a mutant hair such as this? My old girlfriend in college had one on her neck and I once had to hold her down to pluck it (she wanted it plucked but couldn’t stand the anticipation of the plucking).

I got the Anna Corhhole-cover virus in my Hotmail last night. Sorta excited. I never get the viruses when they come out – no Melissa, no Love worm – but this time I hit the jackpot – promptly deleted the email and the made sure the attachment wasn’t on my hard drive anymore.

Still awaiting the arrival of the manpurse.