‘I thought my beautiful fiancee

“I thought my beautiful fiancee was innocence
itself until I met her parrot. She had taught it to
say terrible things. Wank. Beaver. Fist-fuck. Stick
it up your Jap’s eye.
I was disillusioned to find
she had taken such delight in training an
unknowing bird to swear. My love diminished, but
I didn’t cancel the wedding. The parrot was in the
church. When the man asked whether anyone
knew a reason for us not to marry, it sQuawked,
‘cunt flaps.’ my bride bent double with laughter,
and even though we made our vows i knew that
the marriage was over.”