HugeDisk magazine asks what to do when you’re feeling unsexy:
I set the alarm about thirty minutes early and spend that extra half hour masturbating. It makes me feel attractive and helps me get through the day.
There’s a gay guy at work who I think might be a bit attracted to me. So every once in a while I’ll wear my tightest trousers without any underwear. I’m married, and he has a steady partner, but I can see him checking me out. The attention and lascivious looks that he gives me make me feel great about myself.
I have a set of red satin bed sheets that I only use on special occasions. Whenever I wash them I can’t help but to sit on top of the washing machine — and then the dryer — and fantasize about being with them, rolling and tumbling around with the churning water and fabric softener. I like the dryer best. It’s very warm.
Sometimes I like to wear my blue jeans inside out, with no underwear. The zipper rubs up and down while I walk. I get funny looks, but I don’t care because I just feel so good. It’s painfully delicious.
I find myself painfully aware of my co-workers in the surrounding cubicles. The constant chatter and banter (and the consideration fo the amount of chatter and banter I’m responsible for). Drives me nuts that people do conference calls from their desks so that they have to yell into the headset. It is maddening. Luckily I have Trent Reznor here with me today. So I’m plugged in and tuned out. Drives me up a fucking wall.