'Everyone who is everyone is the suburban roadside hellscape–Target- Macy's- Kohls- Best Buy–is opening at midnight on the night of Thanksgiving- so shoppers can "get an early jump" off a nearby bridge once they realize just how fully the American materialistic hustle has replaced the concept of human companionship in their lives.'
Here we are- two months into the Christmas shopping season. Have you finished? No- because you didn't start in September like you were supposed to. Well- not to worry;