Holiday Shoppers Face 'Black Midnight' in Retail Hell

'Everyone who is everyone is the suburban roadside hellscape–Target- Macy's- Kohls- Best Buy–is opening at midnight on the night of Thanksgiving- so shoppers can "get an early jump" off a nearby bridge once they realize just how fully the American materialistic hustle has replaced the concept of human companionship in their lives.'

Holiday Shoppers Face 'Black Midnight' in Retail Hell

Here we are- two months into the Christmas shopping season. Have you finished? No- because you didn't start in September like you were supposed to. Well- not to worry;


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