Hobbling

I just got a raise! 3.5%! Rock on!

Rolling out the new templates over the text couple-a days… the side-bars are back!

I did squats on Tuesday evening and I can barely get down a flight of stairs without looking like I’m doing some sort of dance.

The pilot light in my oven has been out for about two weeks now. I didn’t think much of it and kept windows cracked open to keep things aired out until I could call the landlord. But, of course, that got lagged behind. Meanwhile my fire alarm had burned out it’s battery so I replaced it and it continued to chirp – even with a new battery. So I’d take the battery out before I went to bed so I didn’t have to hear the chirp all night. So yes, I’m sleeping in an apartment with a gas leak and no fire alarm. It gets better.

I’d noticed a musty smell whenever I entered my apartment – I’d open the door and smell it and then it’d be gone – I just assumed it was some sort of dry rot in the door jam – but it always went away once the door opened.

Yes, I’m that fucking clueless.

It wasn’t until last night, having burger night at Jury’s with Brigitte, that I put 2 and 2 together. Brigitte is big on fire safety and her eyes almost fell out of her head when I told her I’d let the pilot light remain unlit for nearly two weeks. Then I figured out the smell when I entered the apartment was the gas trying to seep out the front door and that’s why it always concentrated when I opened the door and then stopped. I also felt dumb that I hadnt’ really tried to find the pilot light in the oven – it was underneath – by the drawer that pulls out. I’m having an Easter-egg dyeing party tonight. Remember the Easter all of Andy’s friends died in a ball of fire? Remember when Andy burned his face off on Holy Thursday? Remember when we all had to have reconstructive surgery to repair our incinerated faces and we all looked the same. Remember that, Matt? (I’m Karen!)

So I got home and opened up the house to air it out and went to Walgreens and got a fire starter thingy and came back and carefully lit the pilot light. Remember when the guy that’s in Mensa blew up his apartment?

Sometimes, I’m a real dumb-ass.

________’s sister recently went to the doctor and was diagnosed with HP – not Hewlett-Packard – human papillomavirus (what they smear your pap for). The docs went in an froze a section of sister’s cervix to slough off cells for testing. Yes. Froze. Cervix. Slough. I don’t know about you, but every time I hear the world ‘slough’ I think of loofahs or shucking corn. They did this to her Stuff. As _______ said, ‘when my sister told me that, I couldn’t feel my legs.’

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About Andy

Gay Hoosier Taurus INFJ ex-playwright pianist gymbunny published author in San Francisco. Tw · Fb