Here’s mine: WHAT IS YOUR

Here’s mine:

WHAT IS YOUR JOB? DO YOU ENJOY YOUR JOB?
Admin guru, office god, database hustler is my dayjob. It pays da bills but my vocation is the creative arts – particularly storymaking in theatre and hopefully film. Still want to be a superstar.

IF YOU COULD BE SOMEONE ELSE FOR A DAY, WHO WOULD IT BE?
I dunno. Too many choices. I’d wanna be Alan Greenspan so the whole economy would just kiss my ass.

WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA?
Traffic. I really enjoyed it. I think Soderbergh’s the bomb ever since Sex, Lies and Videotape (still can’t forgive the producers of Just Shoot Me for turning Laura San Giacomo into a homely bookworm)

WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?
Today: a bowl of oatmeal with honey, some green tea, an apple and a egg on croissant. At home it’s usually granola cereal with soymilk. If I am in a weakened state it’s Ann Sather omelette with two big muthafuckin’ cinnamon rolls.

WHO WOULD YOU HATE TO BE LEFT IN A ROOM WITH?
Chatty people with abrasive voices.

CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR TONGUE?
No.

WHO INSPIRES YOU?
Prince, Kubrick, Reznor, Hitchcock, Serling, DiFranco, Bjork, Peter Brook, Anne Bogart, Ibsen, Poe, Sophocles.

WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
Andrew.

BEACH OR CITY?
Beach to relax – Pawley’s Island, South Carolina. City to live – I’m too high-strung to live in the country.

SUMMER OR WINTER?
Spring.

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU HAD YOUR FIRST KISS?
With a girl: 5 – Maria Ehringer, my first girlfriend. With a guy: 24 – Mike somebody. Or was it Robert? I dunno.

BUTTERED, PLAIN OR SALTED POPCORN?
None. I hate the smell of popcorn. It reminds me of dorms and sticky-floored moviehouses. The pungency of salt and butter is nasty. Though caramel popcorn is pretty delectable.

FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Oberweis. B&R’s Mint Chocolate Chip or Peanut Butter Chocolate.

WORST MEMORY?
When my dad didn’t talk to me for a week.

BEST MEMORY?
When I first realized that I could write plays.

FAVORITE SANDWICH FILLING?
Turkey with green peppers, vidalia onions, pepper jack cheese, romaine lettuce, alfalfa sprouts on a whole wheat bagel or bun.

FAVORITE BOOK?
Tao of Pooh.

WHAT CHARACTERISTICS DO YOU DESPISE?
People that lie to your face and you both know it. People that don’t do what they say and pretend to be something they aren’t. God that fucking gets me chapped. Chafed. Whatever.

FAVORITE FLOWER?
Iris. Mum.

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHROOM?
White, black and grey.

HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING?
4 – Apartment building, apartment door, PO Box, mailbox.

WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE TO?
Right – like I’m ever gonna take enough Xanax to want to slow down.

CAN YOU JUGGLE? IF YES HOW MANY?
A little. Three. Oh wait – do you mean balls, jobs or last names or sexualities?

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FORM OF EXERCISE?
Weight training. Favorite exercises: tricep kickback, standing lateral shoulder raise, cable fly.

RED OR WHITE WINE?
Vodka.

WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY?
Had a party with friends. Came out to my parents.

WHERE DO YOU FOOD SHOP?
Webvan.

DO YOU CARRY A DONOR CARD?
No. I’m still getting past the ickiness of my own death.

PARENTS NAMES?
John D. and Diane.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?
25

PETS?
Just my peeves.

ANYTHING PIERCED?
Nope.

TATTOOS?
No but I keep wanting one but then it all seems so cliche. I want one on my right shoulder or maybe on my chest – but then I’d have to wax so you could see it and that’s a life time Nads commitment.

BIRTHPLACE?
Louisville, KY.

BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE?
Yeah. I think.

FAVORITE TV SHOW?
Twin Peaks. Homicide: Life on the Street. Seinfeld.

ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Vodka tonic. French martinis.

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS
TO YOU.
Brig and Lingo – you guys are nuts. And I love you endlessly.

PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO
RESPOND.
Your mom. (eat me Ditmars!)

PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO
RESPOND FIRST?
Does it matter?

Here’s Brigitte’s

WHAT IS YOUR JOB? DO YOU ENJOY YOUR JOB?
Sales Reporting Systems Analyst at the ______ Hotel (soon to me the W Chicago City Center). Also an Actor. I love being an actor, I wish I could do it all the time. As far as the Systems Analyst thing, I can think of about 20 other things I’d rather be doing. However, as day jobs go, it’s good to me.

IF YOU COULD BE SOMEONE ELSE FOR A DAY, WHO WOULD IT BE?
Linda Hamilton while filming Terminator 2. I want to kick some major ass.

WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA?
I believe that was that gripping drama Save the Last Dance.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?
Whatever the hell I want.

WHO WOULD YOU HATE TO BE LEFT IN A ROOM WITH?
I’m thinking Jeffrey Dahmer, Hannibal Lector, and Ted Bundy would be pretty terrifying.

CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR TONGUE?
Nope..

WHO INSPIRES YOU?
Different people at different times

WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
Anne

BEACH OR CITY?
City. If a swimsuit were a necessity of my regular wardrobe I would kill myself. However, if I looked like Linda Hamilton, I’d rethink that.

SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer. I hate cold. I hate snow.

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU HAD YOUR FIRST KISS?
5. With Larry Briggs. He was a nice boy, but pooped in his pants, so there was no future.

BUTTERED, PLAIN OR SALTED POPCORN?
Pass the Land O’ Lakes please. The whole tub.

FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Baskin Robbins Peanut Butter and Chocolate

WORST MEMORY?
I have so many. I’m a scarred woman. I’m writing a book, Does This Shit Only Happen To Me?

BEST MEMORY?
Too many to count.

FAVORITE SANDWICH FILLING?
Filling is an odd word. Do Suzy Q’s count as sandwiches. If not, Chicken Pesto from Corner Bakery

FAVORITE BOOK?
How about books that changed my life. The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, Ecstasy by Robert Johnston, Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells, Acting Power by Robert Cohen

WHAT CHARACTERISTICS DO YOU DESPISE?
Lack of motivation. People who go through life with no dreams or goals to better themselves.

FAVORITE FLOWER?
Tulips and Sunflowers.

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHROOM?
White, Silver, and Purple Accents

HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING?
House:5 Work: 2 Luggage: 1 Miscellaneous: 1 ( I think it’s to the music room at the school I graduated from 3 years ago)

WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE TO?
I won’t retire. I could live many places.

CAN YOU JUGGLE? IF YES HOW MANY?
Are we talking about balls, beanbags, bowling pins, flaming torches, men, careers?
Can’t juggle as far as the circus act is concerned.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FORM OF EXERCISE?
I know this is a shock to people, DANCING.
SEX is a close second.

RED OR WHITE WINE?
Red…but I get messed up fast on red wine.

WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY?
Rehearsed for a play, went to a Sushi restaurant with friends, hung out at a bar, ate 20 cupcakes.

WHERE DO YOU FOOD SHOP?
Treasure Island, Jewel & Walgreens.

DO YOU CARRY A DONOR CARD?
Yes. I actually signed it and my friends witnessed it at the restaurant on my birthday

PARENTS NAMES?
Edward and Lucille

HOW OLD ARE YOU?
25

PETS?
NO, but I desperately want a cat.

ANYTHING PIERCED?
Ears…one hole each.

TATTOOS?
Nope. Haven’t found anything I like that I want to become a permanent fixture on my body.

BIRTHPLACE?
Louisville, KY

BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE?
Still waiting.

FAVORITE TV SHOW?
I’m okay stating this. Dawson’s Creek, Ed, West Wing

ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Vodka Tonic…tastes like Sprite. I could also do about 20 Chocolate Martinis

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TOYOU.
Do I have to.
OK. C_____ is the only type of woman I can be around, Clever, Opinionated, and Not Afraid of being real.

PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND.
Andy

PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPONDFIRST?
Lingo

Brigitte wrote another one – she’s bored today:

WHAT IS YOUR JOB? DO YOU ENJOY YOUR JOB?
Slave to THE MAN Hell, goddam no.

IF YOU COULD BE SOMEONE ELSE FOR A DAY, WHO WOULD IT BE?
Calista Flockhart. I’d like to know what it feels like to be rich, skinny, and hating food.

WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA?
Save the Last Dance. I had ached to see it. I cried.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?
Babies

WHO WOULD YOU HATE TO BE LEFT IN A ROOM WITH?
P___ Z_____ (My Boss)

CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR TONGUE?
Who Cares? Why would I need to do that. In case I run out of Kleenex.

WHO INSPIRES YOU?
No one. I am who I am because of me.

WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
Bitch

BEACH OR CITY?
City. Don’t you think I would have moved to Florida or California if I wanted to be in a goddamn bathing suit all the time.

SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer. fucking hate cold

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU HAD YOUR FIRST KISS?
Josh was the first one who did it right.

BUTTERED, PLAIN OR SALTED POPCORN?
Pass the fat.

FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Chocolate Peanut Butter with Peanut Butter Sauce and Crumbled Reese’s Cups

WORST MEMORY?
When my mom poored boiling oil on my genitals for peeing in the bed.

BEST MEMORY?
Seeing Taffy’s last breath from the creek.

FAVORITE SANDWICH FILLING?
Me between two slices of Pacey from Dawson’s Creek

FAVORITE BOOK?
Rush Limbaugh’s Autobiography

WHAT CHARACTERISTICS DO YOU DESPISE?
Blonde chicks with big boobs.

FAVORITE FLOWER?
Poppy

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHROOM?
Nasty ass white. Gray when I don’t clean

HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING?
5

WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE TO?
The Vatican, where I would write my church songs including the dance remix of One Bread, One Body

CAN YOU JUGGLE? IF YES HOW MANY?
I can juggle 3 men at once without any of them finding out about the other.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FORM OF EXERCISE?
Wriggling and writhing during oral sex.

RED OR WHITE WINE?
Red, it makes me turn into a slut quicker.

WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY?
Ate raw fish.

WHERE DO YOU FOOD SHOP?
The garbage cans at the ______ Hotel.

DO YOU CARRY A DONOR CARD?
YES, but it’s not mine.

PARENTS NAMES?
Storm and Windy

HOW OLD ARE YOU?
25 going on 12

PETS?
Yes you may.

ANYTHING PIERCED?
My choad.

TATTOOS?
I hated Fantasy Island.

BIRTHPLACE?
BFE

BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE?
Love…lust…same thing.

FAVORITE TV SHOW?
Cheaters…it’s a reality tv show at 3:00 am on Saturday/Sunday morning. Like cops only the crime is infidelity.

ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Gin and Bath Water

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU.
Does it matter.

Here’s Karens:

WHAT IS YOUR JOB? DO YOU ENJOY YOUR JOB?
Penis sucker. Yes, but I’ve got to get the TMJ under control.

IF YOU COULD BE SOMEONE ELSE FOR A DAY, WHO WOULD
IT BE?
Robogorm.

WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA?
Snatch (for real)

WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?
Oatmeal and pudding.

WHO WOULD YOU HATE TO BE LEFT IN A ROOM WITH?
Cressida

CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR TONGUE?
No, but I can touch my nipples with my nose.

WHO INSPIRES YOU?
Taffy

WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
Loose

BEACH OR CITY?
Beach.

SUMMER OR WINTER?
Fall

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU HAD YOUR FIRST KISS?
12, I think. Jacob Sebastian Coakley. He was 14.

BUTTERED, PLAIN OR SALTED POPCORN?
Buttered and salted. I like my popcorn like I like my men.

FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Oberweis. Anything Oberweis. Any flavor, anytime…anysize.
(again…just like my men…)

WORST MEMORY?
The sex change.

BEST MEMORY?
Andy’s birth

FAVORITE SANDWICH FILLING?
PB&J

FAVORITE BOOK?
skinny legs and all – Tom Robbins.

WHAT CHARACTERISTICS DO YOU DESPISE?
Money grubbing and laziness. Oh, and beauty, genetic skininess, and
great hair.

FAVORITE FLOWER?
Dandelions.

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHROOM?
Brown like poo.

HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING?
I have 2 rings…6 on one, 5 on the other.

WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE TO?
the bedroom…

CAN YOU JUGGLE? IF YES HOW MANY?
As many as it takes to get the job done.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FORM OF EXERCISE?
Squatting.

RED OR WHITE WINE?
green.

WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY?
got old

WHERE DO YOU FOOD SHOP?
trash

DO YOU CARRY A DONOR CARD?
I like to refer to mine as the boner card.

PARENTS NAMES?
Frick and Frack

HOW OLD ARE YOU?
12

PETS?
Jerome and Cressida

ANYTHING PIERCED?
Lots

TATTOOS?
Lots

BIRTHPLACE?
Mom’s crotch

BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE?
Lots

FAVORITE TV SHOW?
Taped with Rabbi Doug

ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Is there any other kind?

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS
TOYOU.
I don’t think that’s possible.

…to narrow down to one, I mean…there are just so many nice things
about Sarah…oh wait. Fuck. Who sent this?

PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO
RESPOND.
My ass

PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO
RESPONDFIRST?
Jerome

Here’s Zach’s:

WHAT IS YOUR JOB? DO YOU ENJOY YOUR JOB?
CRACK SMOKER/MUFF DIVER. YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT.

IF YOU COULD BE SOMEONE ELSE FOR A DAY, WHO WOULD
IT BE?
GEORGE BUSH. SO I COULD THROW MYSELF OFF A CLIF.

WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA?
CHOCOLAT

WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?
COFFEE AND A MUFFIN

WHO WOULD YOU HATE TO BE LEFT IN A ROOM WITH?
ASSHOLES

CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR TONGUE?
YES.

WHO INSPIRES YOU?
DAVID GRAY

WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
ZACH

BEACH OR CITY?
I PREFER A SMOKE STACK UP MY ASS.

SUMMER OR WINTER?
I WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE A 5TH SEASON PLEASE.

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU HAD YOUR FIRST KISS?
SMOOCH AT 8 OR 9 AND REAL KISS AT 13.

BUTTERED, PLAIN OR SALTED POPCORN?
BUTTERED, PLAIN AND SALTED

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About Andy

Gay Hoosier Taurus INFJ ex-playwright pianist gymbunny published author in San Francisco. Tw · Fb