Googleplex

Patrick writes in:

Subject: Your 2/18/01 Essay, Hello Kitty, The World, and Me. And You. But really Me.

Hi there.

It was pure accident, or perhaps good fortune, that I came across your site. More accurately, I stumbled across your site the same way that Dick Van Dyke trips over the ottoman (first two seasons credits).

Queue glissando; bass drum booms.

At Vanity’s insistence, I Googled the phrase “picked up at Roscoe’s“. My thinking was that, somewhere along the line, one of those hapless, smiling creatures I dragged back to Porkdale wrote something flattering — or, even better, UNflattering — about our naked misadventure. Well, semi-naked I
guess. (My primary goal with a trick is the luxury of justifying omelets the following morning; if I have to suck a dick to get there: bring on the dick.)

Loathing Twink culture — an early 21st Century oxymoron — I glom onto whomever makes me laugh, has all of their limbs, and is neither a Hoosier nor from any state that rhymes with Lexus or Flippadippy. (For the record, I detest Roscoe’s to a point of completely adoring it — a reaction I suspect not uncommon for truly urban and/or urbane sophisticates.) Oh yeah, brains are important too. What’s the point in picking up someone who won?t catch an off-handed remark about Pia Zadora, or recognize the hysterical irony of a Barbra Streisand Christmas album? Also (when I Googled that fortuitous phrase), it was important to add the often neglected apostrophe to “Roscoe’s”; my thinking was that only those people whose opinions could matter (few as they are) would surely enforce proper punctuation.

What was I expecting? I don’t know… “Great kisser, but he talked a lot.” “Nice pipe — not a monster by ideally proportioned.” “…There was a cow suit hanging next to his bed and I was scared he was going to ask me to wear it.” (I did.) “He made me play Operation, the Wacky Doctor?s Game, lay the final puzzle pieces of a a teddy bear family waving, and THEN we were allowed to commence rutting.” ?He wasn?t serious about sex, and he was completely vanilla.? Who knows. ?Embrace the Mystery,? I always say, ?and always keep A2000 in the medicine cabinet.?

However, once Googled, the only thing that came up was your site. As far as I can tell, it bares little resemblance to me apart from a well-placed Hello Kitty reference (which was damned sexy).

Since I stopped by, it would have been rude had I not said hello.

So there.

Meow-meow,

Some Guy Named Patrick

Thanks for tuning in Patrick!