Gay Bashing

On page 13 of this week’s Dallas Observer, the Full Frontal page, I found something that couldn’t go unblogged. So here it is for your reading pleasure.

Gay Bashing
Dallas Observer, Volume 25, Number 4, page 13

James Dobson, founder of Focus on Family, recently blasted Spongebob Squarepants (yeah, you read that right) for promoting homosexuality to children. To many, it seemed a little-how do you say?-insane. Not Full Frontal. We think Dobson is a hero for finally standing up to the pro-cartoon media. They’ve been protecting SpongeBob’s sexual proclivities for far too long. Come on, people-he lives in a pineapple under the sea! Read between the lines!

But it goes much deeper than just one yellow sponge. If Focus on Family wants to stamp out the cartoon industry’s pro-homosexuality agenda, it’s going to have its hands full.

  • Gumby
    Forget for a moment that Gumby is designed to look like an erect penis. (A green erect penis, sure, but that’s not fooling anyone.) Take a look at the names of Gumby’s “pals”: Pokey, Prickle and Goo. Don’t think we have to spell this one out.
  • SuperFriends
    One of the main characters, Batman, guns for the president of NAMBLA with his boy toy Robin-whose real name is Dick, by the way. Plus, they all look a little too comfortable running around in tights.
  • Fred from Scooby-Doo
    1) He wears an ascot at all times. 2) He’s apparently not getting it on with Daphne, or even Velma. Of course, she’s probably a lesbian.
  • Beavis and Butt-head
    Technically not aimed at kids-but who do they think they’re kidding?-B & B are two typical self-loathing homosexuals. Which still means they are very, very gay.
  • Garfield
    He’s so bitchy, he’s practically auditioning for Carson’s role on Queer Eye.
  • The Smurfs
    Yes, they’re three apples high. But that doesn’t make them kid-friendly. Just short. Look at it this way: There’s one girl in the entire village, and something like a few dozen guys. You know what has a similar demographic breakdown? Prison. We all know what happens in prison.
  • Barney Rubble
    This little fireplug scored one of the hottest wives in all of cartoondom. Yet who does he hang out with at all hours? Fred Flintstone. So what does that make Betty Rubble? It’s called a “beard.”
  • Boo Bear
    Long-running debate: Is he Yogi Bear’s son or friend? Neither. He’s his underage lover. Despicable.
  • Pepe LePew
    Not obvious, since this horny skunk is always on the prowl for a willing female. But take another look: More often than not, the “female” he’s pursuing turns out to be male. LePew rarely, if ever, seems bothered by this.
  • Ren & Stimpy
    The creator of this show has even said that he was surprised Nickelodeon would air a series about a gay couple. As are we, sir. As are we.
  • Bugs Bunny
    In almost every episode, for some convoluted reason, Bugs winds up in women’s clothing. Which, fine, it’s a comedy tradition, whatever. We’ll let that slide. But Bugs also married his longtime nemesis, Elmer Fudd, which we all know is not only unconstitutional, it’s just plain wrong. We’re pretty sure he also got hitched to Yosemite Sam at some point.

16 thoughts on “Gay Bashing

  1. palochi

    “Heavens to mergatroid!” – Snagglepuss

    Any cartoon character who says something like that whenever he gest his panties in a bunch (and, well… has that name) just HAS to be queer. Quite possibly even a drag queen.

    “Ladies and gentlemen, The Birdcage is proud to bring you… the one… the only… Ms. Snagglepussy!”

    They also forgot Transformers. They’re more than meets the queer eye, y’know.

  2. joe

    From last night’s Daily Show With Jon Stewart, following a news piece on Dobson:

    “He’s here, he lives in a pineapple under the sea, get used to it.”

  3. palochi

    Brian isn’t gay. He’s cultured. A metrosexual canine, if you will.

    Stewie, however, is a pompous little antichrist who will probably grow up and abandon his plans for world domination when he falls in love with a rough trick named Jim.

  4. jay oh are dee why?

    this is really funny
    but really if you can get gayness out of all that then you dont you just classify everyone in the world gay, not to mention yourself

  5. Anonymous

    this is ridiculous, where do you people even come up w/ such ideas? And let me ask you, so what if these cartoons promote homosexuality? how does it affect you? if pretty clear you’re simply closeminded homophobes.

  6. Jord

    Yogi: “Hey booboo, do you see that foxy lady over there?”

    BooBoo: “No, I don’t see her”

    Yogi: “That’s because you’re gay!! HOOHOOHOO *Yogi Bear laugh*

  7. EEK!

    YARGH! I know I’m reviving an old thread here… but this post isn’t homophobic, it MAKES FUN OF HOMOPHOBES! Sprechen sie context?!?

  8. Donna

    Okay, to set the record straight, if anyone is gay on spongebob it’s squidward! Spongebob is clearly in love with Sandy. Interspecies yes, but homosexual no. (and their ain’t nothin’ wrong with a little squirrel love)To say Spongebob is gay is to imply that tinky winky was the straight teletubbie, and that is just wrong.

  9. Donna

    Dear Anonymous,
    grow a sense of humor-it’s called satire and is actually considered high comedy.
    PS why go anonymous, it’s not as if you can’t make up a name and hide behind that. Besides, clearly your not gay, or you would have gotten the joke.

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