Futon of Lust

From Craigslist:

Hi, I?m a sexy, voluptuous caucasian futon mattress. I’ve got a little extra padding in just the right places. I?m sick of being clean and pure. I want to be pounded. I want owners who will get it on hot and heavy several times a week, right on top of me. I want to get slammed repeatedly against the wall in the throes of their intense passion. I want to soak up their sweat. I want to muffle their cries of ecstasy. I can be yours. I will cater to your every need. I can help you fulfill your naughty nocturnal fantasies. I want you to take me now. Hold me. Lift me in your strong arms. Carry me home. Take advantage of me. I?m luscious and malleable. I will melt in your hands. I will fit in your car. You can come see me. You can have me. You won?t regret it. Sweet dreams await .

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