Five Quick New Rules

Before I forget…

1. Gay male bloggers can no longer bitch about the people at the gym. They’re pigs who have no regard for sanitary conditions and women should stick to yoga in the privacy of their own homes: we’ve gotten your points and they’re (un)duly noted. If it’s that bad, find a new gym or stop going. But for God’s sake, we’ve all heard enough. 😉

2. So-called “pro-lifer” chicks who march DC with signs reading “I regret my abortion” have to stop bitching and let people make their own mistakes. Stop blaming Roe vs. Wade for your decision. How did you think you were going to feel about having your fetus sucked out brain first?

3. People who wander aimlessly with iPods have to die. Yup. Don’t bitch when the boy on the bike runs into you or when you get mauled by that rabid stray dog. People were screaming at you but you couldn’t hear because you still can’t stop playing Kelis’ Milkshake. And no, you don’t look cool.

4. There is nothing tragic about a rich old man dying of natural causes. We should all be so lucky.

5. People who don’t respond to emails should be punched in the throat – race, gender, religion, sexual orientation be damned.

14 thoughts on “Five Quick New Rules

  1. Terrance Heath

    Ohhh. It looks like I’m already guilty of 3 and 5. I haven’t seen in the inside of a gym since becoming a Dad, but I’d probably break rule 1 too. OK, Andy. Go ahead and smack me around. I deserve it.

  2. Alan

    Dang…I was just about to post an entry about this old guy at my gym,who never answered my emails, who died of natural causes while wearing an iPod because of a botched abortion. 🙂

  3. Andy

    Crap – and I had one more gym complaint to add: Guys who actually shave their heads in the locker room sink. Even worse – ask someone to shave the back for them. Ugh.

    Re: iPods. The dirty secret is the headphones that come with it SUCK. Ron even bought the more expensive white ones and they too SUCK. Plus, white Apple headphones scream RIP ME OFF PLEASE.

    OK, Andy. Go ahead and smack me around. I deserve it.

    Note: this is from our Senior Correspondent, Sam. Requests for throat-punching need to go through him.

  4. myke

    hahah … funny as people have been bitching about the gym alot … and about those ipod wearers … i saw so many of those very type of folks walking around the street when i was in nyc … seems like every other person had the earbuds hanging out and the ipod in hand.

  5. Anonymous

    Hey Dude…I am one of those women carrying the “I regret my abortion” sign….a rule you forgot to mention…Guys should take responsiblity of the life they created instead of forcing the girlfriend/wife to have the abortion.

    Rule number 1…be a man instead of a wimp….

    Rule number 2 …when a girl/woman changes her mind about having the abortion…the abortionist and his assitant should not hold her down…let her walk away from the table…

    Rule number 3….parents so your kid got knocked up….deal with it and get your head out of your ass when she says…”I don’t want to abort my baby” instead of dragging her to the abortion clinic and having the “doctor” tell her, her parents know whats right for her…

    Rule number 4….If abortion is going to be a choice….then let it be our choice…not you wimpy men, cash hungery abortionist, and embarrassed parents…

    Rule number 5 …Dude get a life….

  6. Jeff

    “Dunner Says:
    January 25th, 2005 at 2:17 pm

    Can I bitch about guys at the gym who wander around aimlessly listening to their iPods?”

    Hey! I don’t wander!

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