All of this talk about prosperity and abundance dissolves for me when I think about interest rates, employment statisics, oil prices and housing markets.
Do you really believe that everyone controls what happens to them in their lives? I do believe that we are in control of our reactions to events. I don’t buy that children murdered in wars are creating their future – that they attracted their own death. I think that shit happens sometimes – and sometimes it is random – and that is scary as hell. So religion or spirituality or attraction or self-help is how we explain things back into a place where we can actually get up in the morning. The guru would say that that is my reality because I believe it which leads to the usual discussion of is reality as we perceive it or is our perception our reality (like that is ever a truly binary equaition).
Another pointed question would be how does other people having different outlooks on life than me – how is that threatening to me. There’s the usual ‘well if it’s really that easy then…’ chain of thought. But also I feel this gives people to ignore the suffering of others. Oh – those tortured Iraqis? That’s just some blip in my negative belief system, I’m sure a coffee enema will buff that right out. Yes, the only thing you (sometimes) have control over is yourself and your actions and your reactions. But I don’t thikn that means that ‘You are the only thing’ existing or that matters.
But I was raised a skeptic. I think a little paranoia is good to keep self-preservation activated. I’ve often writ that I’m more motivated by dissatisfaction than a holy grail. I find more energy from being pissed off, enraged, angered and unlistened to. If I was in the Landmark Forum I think this would be called ‘my racket’ and I’d be made to admit that I’m really just a loving teddy bear that wants to be accepted for who I am and then have to wet my pants because they keep the doors locked during the seminars. But I’m the first to admit that behind any so-called negative thoughts I have that underneath it all is a sincere hope that yes you can change the lives of the people that you interact with and they can change you. I am an optimist and dreamer at heart.
I guess that the dismissiveness of ‘oh well, that’s just your journey’ instead of having empathy is what I find distasteful.
Had dinner at Ricebox with Ron and Gilbert. Why is chicken katsu so good? It’s just deep fried breaded chicken and katsu sauce. I think it is the saltiness.
Do they wear watches in the suburbs?
Ron and I had a suburban adventure today. I rented a Ford Explorer and we trekked out to Ikea. I had decided from the start to let him drive because I’m less stressed watching him drive than he is watching me drive. We donner our yuppie best and headed out on I-90. We hadn’t driven together in years – since the family vacation in Florida and we had a good time. Pointer Sisters on the radio and other easy listening favorites kept us entertained as we made it out to the suburbs.
Ikea remains a wonder of supply chains and manufacturing. I know it has similar business practices as Wal-Mart and Target but manages to hide any inherent cruelty in the furniture-making process with crisp design and airy spaces. We got a small dining table, pillows, rugs, stools… and we almost got a couch. But the couch wouldn’t fit in the car so I’m either going to have it delivered or we will try and look around locally some more. Woodfield Mall in Shaumburg is amazing – not a locally owned business for miles. You can almost hear the money being sucked out of the community.
What we both agreed on is how much we can’t stand driving and how if we lived out here we would quickly tire of having to drive everywhere. This was especially aggravated when we filled up the tank before returning the rental car. I swear to God that when I was a kid gas prices were like 97 cents a gallon. I think driving makes people mean.
Slept okay. It is 8:51. I’ll get to the gym in 40 minutes or so. Kitty is here chewing on a mousetoy. It is so great to have so much affection from the cat in the morning. He waits outside the bedroom door for me to wake up and then comes in a purrs and seeks petting and scracthing. Perhaps it is only instinctual and he is re-marking me as his property. He’s already fed so I know it isn’t that. Sometimes he drools because he’s so happy to see me.