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Audie: You’re listening to NPR. I’m Audie Cornish. The monster that promises to eat us and our children continues to creep ever closer. Today I’ll be speaking with one of its lesser feeding-pods.
Audie: Toothy pod, many have expressed concern about some comments made earlier regarding your overall vision for America.
Pod: I will eat you and your children. I will taste their sufferings and viscera. My only purpose is to destroy you and everything you love.
Audie: So you believe these fears to be unfounded hysterics?
Pod: I am unburdened by mercy or sapience. Within me your spirit will scream eternal.
Audie: Great to have you on, pod. Thanks so much for joining us today. Up next, we’ll be hearing from the monster’s pyloric sphincter about criticisms that its digestive enzymes might sting. Please send us money.
Image is of Gryla, a child-eating Christmas monster from Icelandic folklore.