Category Archives: Ron

Facetiousist

Last night before slumber I made some sarcastic remark and Ron came up with a new malaprop:

Are you being physicist?

Our current favorite is from reality show skank talking about how alcohol helps her lower her prohibitions.

Ron is Just Fine

Ron is home and on occupational leave (I told him that sitting home and getting paid for it is the equivalent of the American Dream). He’ll have to be certified by a doctor to be put back into service. A slight limp and I’m yelling at him every time he walks or gets up.

The woman that cracked her head open was a passenger, not an attendant. Ron said there was blood everywhere mixed with the spilled coffee and he could see her skull. She was rushed into emergency surgery after going into shock in the ambulance. Ron is compulsively cleaning to keep from hearing her screams. Hopefully the new vacuum that arrived yesterday can help mask that nightmare.

Bacon Call

Ron: I’m making salmon and tilpia.

Andy: Yes?

Ron: Yes. I’m making feast.

Andy: You’re making a feast.

Ron: No. I’m making feast.

Andy: Why aren’t you going with me to Vegas?

Ron: I have to work. I can’t always be at your bacon call.

Happy Birthday Honey

Some years ago today, a special guy was born and it is really stupendous that we get to have birthday lunch with his dad (and brother from Milwaukee) who has been visiting the States in the past several weeks.

Funeral Rites in the Phillippines

Wow. This totally out does our family funeral habits: (granted, this is the reporting of one inteviewee)

Rosary sessions are held each night for thirty days to aid the deceased in getting to heaven.

For up to a year and often beyond, men will wear a black ribbon and women will dress in black to indicate they are in mourning. It would not be unusual for a widow or a woman who has lost a child to death to dress in black the rest of her life.

Another showy, public tradition surrounding death is the family’s spending of lots of money — on the food offered during visitation, the casket, the flowers, the service, the burial place — to make sure that the deceased is seen as loved and esteemed.

Filipinos, Tagalog and Anger

A little Googling: (this is a meta-study of other studies and probably applies mostly to direct immigrants and/or first generation)

Filipinos put a premium on peace. They avoid conflict whenever possible and when it exists they try to settle it in a non­confrontational way.

The American rates ‘integrity’ (defined as ‘let your speech express your mind exactly’) higher than interpersonal tranquility, whereas the Filipino sees no reason why conflict should be courted when silence or soft speech will preserve the peace.

To outer­in­group or out­group members, some of the reasons given why Filipinos delay or withhold the expression of anger are as follows: 1.To preserve one’s impeccable image or mukha.

People know when someone is angry if the person is more quiet than usual, ignores one or gives a cold shoulder, and when asked answers in a very formal, polite manner.

Kill Mummy

Ron was reading a magazine when the cat pawed at his leg for attention.

Ron: (in a British accent) What’s that kitty… kill mummy?

I about busted a gut laughing. This is a reference to the Simpsons episode ‘The Ziff Who Came to Dinner’ where Lenny has had a gig in a horror movie called The Re-Deadening (a spoof of Village of the Damned) where little Baby Button Eyes is a possed doll on a murderous rampage. Homer has taken Rod and Todd to see the movie and a demonic little girl sits in a rocker with the demonic little doll with buttons for eyes…

You want me to kill mummy? But mummy is ever so kind… What? You’re buttons came from the trousers of a psychotic killer…? Then I have no choice.

Here is a YouTube video that picks up right after the Kill mummy line.

Try it with your cat or dog. Look at them and say: Wot’s that? You want me to kill mummy?

Ron is funny when he does British accent. He’s much better at that then when he tries to do a Southern American accent a la Sordid Lives: She’s gotten so big. (You could move in!) I heard they had to reinfoce that stool with lugnuts.She says it’s glandular. And Ron can’t say lugnuts with that strong twang ‘ugh’ sound so it comes out as lognots.

To look at my cat’s unaware face and consider that he thinks of nothing but murder all day makes me laugh.

Midnight Tribute

(phone rings, it’s Ron)

Andy: Why are you still up?

Ron: I know. I have to work tomorrow at 3am.

Andy: Honey you have to sleep. It is 11:30!

Ron: I know. (pause) Can I ask you a question?

Andy: Of course, honey.

Ron: I need your opinion on something.

Andy: Sure, honey. What?

Ron: DO YOU LIKE MY BODY??!!

Night Terrors

I was having a dream last night that I was watching a film’s credits and if a certain name came up I’d be killed or something awful would happen. It was one of those dreams where you can’t scream so you take a deep breath and push and try to make some sound – any sound. I start to make a high pitched screech and it gets louder and louder and I my banshee wail crosses over into the real world where I wake up screaming like a madman.

And waking up Ron. Who, of course, thinks I’ve lost my mind.

I mean I was SCREAMING. Like some sort of Monster Manual addendum.

Once I calmed down I started giggling uncontrollably thinking of Ron minding his own business spending the night and waking up to a Tobe Hooper movie in bed next to him.

I did have a ‘startle awake’ later on in the night where I woke up gasping and surprised.

Never a dull moment.

I think it might have been connected to the 2 hour documentary we watched on cults including Jonestown, the Branch Davidians, the Japanese subway sarin attacks, Warren Jeffs and German pederast cult freaky-dink Paul Schäfer who I’d never heard of.

Or it might have been the Nova special we watched on the Brits that tried to sail the Northwest Passage and their ships got frozen in the ice and they spent 6 years in the arctic and turned to cannibalism after bouts with tuberculosis and scurvy.

Sidebar: How do the Inuit get vitamin C?

So somewhere between the cults, cannibalism, millenialist anxiety, mass suicides, mental and sexual abuse content – I think these might have fed my little night terror.