Category: Funnies

  • Kill Mummy

    Ron was reading a magazine when the cat pawed at his leg for attention. Ron: (in a British accent) What’s that kitty… kill mummy? I about busted a gut laughing. This is a reference to the Simpsons episode ‘The Ziff Who Came to Dinner’ where Lenny has had a gig in a horror movie called […]

  • Midnight Tribute

    Anna Nicole rings at midnight.

  • Florida Town Desperately Afraid of Vaginas

    A Florida comedy club received one complaint over the title of The Vagina Monologues on their marquee. They have renamed the title: The Hooha Monologues 1 complaint.

  • Night Terrors

    I was having a dream last night that I was watching a film’s credits and if a certain name came up I’d be killed or something awful would happen. It was one of those dreams where you can’t scream so you take a deep breath and push and try to make some sound – any […]

  • America's Next Top Bottom

    The Tivo sucked us into a marathon of America’s Next Top Model last week. There should be a gay porn star search show or bondage submissive show called America’s Next Top Bottom.

  • Songs in Andy's Strip Club

    Have you ever thought about opening your own strip club? The last time I was in a straight strip club was for Alan’s bachelor party and I am always disappointed. Same thing with gay strip clubs. There seems to be an air of boredom for everybody involved. I sometimes imagine what my own strip club […]

  • Pie Patrol

    A couple days ago Ron had come in for a post-lunch nap while I worked. I started cleaning up this hellhole and throwing stuff away, including a blueberry pie we’d bought at Jewel six days ago. Ron wakes up: Ron: (yawn, groan, stretch, yawn) Oh… now I just want a piece of that pie. (pause) […]

  • Screw the Children

    (walking out of the gym, waiting for light at corner of  Diversey and Clark, monsoon-esque downpour) Operative holding clipboard: ‘Scuse we sir do you have 40 seconds for Save the Children? Andy: I can’t save the children today. I’m saving the environment today, impeachment tomorrow so I can’t save the children until Friday. Operative: (laughs) […]

  • Little Orphan Shirley

    (Home. Shirliey Bassey’s rendition of ‘As Long as He Needs Me’ plays on iTunes. Andy sings along) Ron: You know that song? Andy: Yeah. It is from Oliver! Ron: No it is not. Andy: Yes honey. Ron: Shirley sang this song first. Andy: No she didn’t. Oliver! is about an orphan named Oliver. I know. […]

  • Brandon Lee, Aaliyah and Brandy

    (we’re watching the beginning of The Crow) Andy: You know that Brandon Lee is Bruce Lee’s son. Ron: No he is not! Andy: Yes he is. Ron: You know he got killed on the set. Andy: Yes. He got shot by a gun that had blanks. Ron: No, it wasn’t an accident. Andy: Honey. Really. […]