Category Archives: Funnies
Astro the Viking
Astro and Downy just had another schoolgirl paw-slapping fight.
Again, Astro pulls back a paw and he’s got a wad of Downy fur in in his claws (don’t worry: Downy is long hair and so remains unscathed).
Astro then stares down Downy and eats Downy’s fur in front of him.
That is some Viking, Vlad-the-Impaler, Dr. Lecter, Aztec bullshit right there, folks.
#1 Tattoo Not to Have When Arrested
How Much Food Can a Hamster Fit in His Cheeks?
Gayest. IM. Evar.
Andy: oh oh – the Junior Vasquez remix of [Britney Spears song] Piece of Me is quite good
(pause)
Sam: andy that is quite possibly the gayest thing you’ve ever said to me
andy: Could be. gayer: I bought it on iTUnes.
Sam: hahaha
Andy: gayer: I listened to it at the gym.
(pause)
Andy: gayer: as I did incline flies
Sam: you are a gay explosion
Andy: gayer: while on creatine
Sam: good god man
andy: but unfortunately I was not wearing my short shorts
Sam: lol
US Automaker Halts Production of Neck Belts
From The Onion archives in 1997: (click through for very funny photo)
Chrysler Halts Production Of Neckbelts: “In the case of collision, it would appear that the neckbelts have a detrimental effect on overall passenger safety,” read a statement released by the company Monday. The recall, the most expensive in Chrysler’s history, goes into effect early next week.
Hitler Took Strychnine Pills for Chronic Farts
Well this explains everything doesn’t it?
Spasmodic stomach cramps, constipation and diarrhea, possibly the result of nervous tension, had been Hitler’s curse since childhood and only grew more severe as he aged. As a stressed-out dictator, the agonizing digestive attacks would occur after most meals: Albert Speer recalled that the Führer, ashen-faced, would leap up from the dinner table and disappear to his room.
Short, dark haired, dark eyed and had chronic farts? He dreamt of being an Aryan with a stable stomach.
Criss Angels Kicks Paranormalist John Callahan’s Ass on Live TV
Paranormalist?
And why doesn’t the female assistant wearing a bra?
Yeah. Metal. Rectangular. Four Wheels.
Shame he didn’t divine the lead paint.
Update: Is that Raven Simone?
How Not to Pick Up Asian-American Women
Via Angry Asian Man:
1) Where are you really from? “I really am from Texas, and I don’t care where your Asian ex-girlfriend was really from, either.”
2) Do you … speak any other languages? “Nice try. Unless we’re having a deep conversation about linguistics while the maitre d’ decants our Malbec, stop asking me where I’m really from.”
Bacon Call
Ron: I’m making salmon and tilpia.
Andy: Yes?
Ron: Yes. I’m making feast.
Andy: You’re making a feast.
Ron: No. I’m making feast.
…
Andy: Why aren’t you going with me to Vegas?
Ron: I have to work. I can’t always be at your bacon call.